Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML
Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML
Today, my husband and I visited a new bar in our city. It turned out to be a swingers sex club. He asked if we could stay and try it out, even though we were easily the oldest people there by about 30 years. FML
Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML
Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, someone handed me a drink at a wedding, so I awkwardly took a sip and commented on the taste. It turns out they were just trying to “Cheers!” me. FML
Today, I finally turned 21, so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I ordered a drink. She replied, "No problem, kiddo." FML
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML
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Top comments
KeannaLove 32
Tell the bartender you'd like small dick because it reminds you of home. :)
Mat35 8
Tell your husband and bartender this : screw you guys I'm going home. ( just like Eric Cartman)
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Comments (93)
Mat35 8
Tell your husband and bartender this : screw you guys I'm going home. ( just like Eric Cartman)
NeatNit 33
OP - learn to take a joke. #1 - improve yours (I've seen worse though)
Punkyxoxo 14
Then start acting like a bitch
Goblin182 27
@ #62 - or she should STOP acting like one,
SolarFlare 20
just act like Eric Cartman, best sollution.
inkdeath87 18
Order the most expense drink then get up and leave when you're done.
iBanana 17
I think they're adults... Adults. Not teenagers. Adults don't do that kind of stuff. Well I don't, but I'm a kid-adult.
CoGhostRider 31
Since its her husband that won't work.
hcollins1 18
I'd order a ******** and say that's the closest he's going to get to one.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
It's pretty obvious he was just kidding around. I'm sure the bartender got a kick out of it. Sure it may be a tad embarrassing but it's just a joke. I wouldn't be with a girl very long if she got overly upset over something this minor. Laugh it off, OP, like others said order some other goofy drink name and fight fire with fire. You'll both get a laugh from it.
hcollins1 18
I've had boyfriends like that, that would say stuff similar to this and I would play along cause I knew they were joking and we both knew the bartender. Nothing's better than having a relationship when you can joke with one another!
Alikia96 20
What an asshole
scotty910 9
Very female-like...
alexwow1 13
He's trying too be cool. This happens a lot
PterodactylMan 23
He was being "Punny"
KeannaLove 32
Tell the bartender you'd like small dick because it reminds you of home. :)
RoboCunnilingus 23
That would either offend or excite the bartender. Probably both.
Uramonkey 11
OP should tell the bartender to hit her with the hardest "cocktail" he's got.
Enslaved 38
Make sure it's straight up with a twist! (:
gregnc_fml 18
Sounds like it's going to be an interesting vacation.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Tell him to get used to his next drink. The "No sex on the beach".
Wizardo 34
Or the 'Underachiever in Bed' or maybe even the 'Premature Bust' ?
Legendslayer222 26
The 'Premature Bust' sounds interesting. What's it taste like?
Wizardo 34
Bitter disappointment and it quite doesn't hit the spot... very dry and unsatisfying aftertaste in guessing.
sweet23_fml 11
how bout the tornado? exciting at first but always ends in disaster.
Garagedwella 26
I'm going to guess it tastes like failure.
FoxHunt9119 19
Isn't that the hurricane?
Mads_1234 28
Just laugh it off. You're the bigger person here (obviously) so don't let your husband pull you down to his level.
CoGhostRider 31
Or laugh it off as its meant to be a joke. Hopefully
slooby_fml 25
Hahaha. That's really mean but funny. Hopefully he was joking
lightanddark 17
what a son of one. do they have a drink called sons of bitches?
aboelmagd 18
Give that guy a medal. And your life sucks.