Safety test

Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML

Today, the office tough guy learned how to use the fire extinguisher. On me. I wasn't on fire. FML

Testing, testing

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

Today, my classic car that I've put hours of wrench time into burst into flames when I tried to start it. FML

Today, I financed my first car. I also made my first call to AAA when it broke down. It barely had any miles on it and I wasn't even home yet. FML

Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML

Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML

What? Why?

Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML

Pros and cons

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML