Today, I turned 35. I was given my first-ever orgasm by the best lover I've ever had: a massaging shower head from Wal-Mart. That I bought for myself. It was the only gift I received. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my birthday, and my wife gave me a sex toy for self-masturbation. She even showed me how to properly use it so I can masturbate myself. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML
Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML
Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card that read, "You made it to 36!" It's my 35th birthday. FML
Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML
Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML
Today, I received an early Christmas gift from my boyfriend of ten months. It was soap. In a few days he will be receiving his very expensive specialized car horn he has wanted for years, while I will be enjoying my new bar of Walmart brand soap, which has already begun to give me a rash. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML
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Top comments
kate08_fml 0
that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously
silkee_shiny 0
Happy Birthday hun :)
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Comments (197)
kate08_fml 0
that is a serious FML comment right there. F your life ... seriously
MadeOfAwesome 1
Why would a showerhead need to massage?O.o *threadjacks shamelessly*
Dmars444 4
it's not a massaging showerhead as such, I'm guessing it's the streams that apply pressure so it would feel like a massage on your head/back/other.
iBiteRoses 22
"Other" is right! YEAH
Scarlettx7 0
Go on a dating website , your probably too shy
BannedDistress78 0
maybe you should call me xD
greenman_fml 0
Reenact that display in public and maybe you'll get some action
EmbalmingTheatre 0
FYL indeed, I sincerely feel sorry for you.
silkee_shiny 0
Happy Birthday hun :)
rosetintedglassz 0
You could try batting for the other team. Some times I feel sorry for straight women and what they are missing out on. All of these stories about women never reaching climax during sex and I just wonder why lesbianism isn't more popular. While the shower head has a 100% success rate, I can say with confidence that my GF has about a 95% success rate and they are a thousand times better than what the shower head can do. Good luck to you.
srammer99 0
shutup
xJaypex 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
well this is an obvious lie
PenultimateTaco 14
#190 What the hell? I'm not even sure if you're serious, but what she's saying is completely true.
joeyl2008 29
If she didn't have her first ****** until 35 I think it's fairly obvious it isn't any guys fault.
randybryant799 21
you think. you have no way of knowing when she fakes it.
_no_fyourlife 0
Technically its not a gift if you bought it for yourself. If you had have given it to somebody to give to you that would have been ok though.
bartholemew4life 0
haha to technicalities.
SpicyMaduros 4
Nonsense, she may have given herself the gift, but the gift gave her ******! Now I know what to get when someone asks for the gift that keeps on giving...
mylifeisFML56 0
you need to buy yourself a rabbit or a form6... more $ than a shower head, but less drama than a boyfriend, (or a girlfriend)...
hayley320 0
MAKE YOUR DAY AN AWESOME DAY BY CHECKING OUT MY VIDEOS www.youtube.com/user/hayleyisino320 GO ON IT!!!
oldskool_fml 0
Well..happy birthday..and look on the bright side..Your VERY self-sufficient..Put THAT on your resume', lol!!!!!