Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, my cat decided to show me just how much he loves me by bringing a live snake into my bedroom. Thanks. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML
Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, I was spending some time alone out in the countryside, when I glanced at my boot. I saw a snake, screamed, ran like hell for my car, tripped over my own feet, and smashed my kneecaps. Upon further inspection, I realized the "snake" was my loose shoelace. FML
Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
Today, a lizard got caught in some loose duct tape in my office. A perk of working alone, I get to clean up. Lizards scare the Bejeezus out of me. FML
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
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Top comments
JenDanielle917 13
What? He wasn't turned on? You sure?
indistructo 3
I'm sure that you both enjoyed ;) hey maybe it'll lead to something more
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Comments (69)
uffiewuffie 0
He'll come around... Give it time.
nessa0322 0
Idk how this is a fml or how it even got approved. If he liked you why are you complaining that he had to go in Between your boobs?? This one is pretty stupid.
sugarbaby9908 20
If your trying to impress him, that should be a double whammy!!
xShannonxSammyx 7
Did you like it?
DudeBTM 8
If I was a reptile lover and a girl showed up at my doorstep with a snake and lizard and was willing to let me touch her boobs then yeah, I would want to see her again.
helterskeltersmi 0
And...?
Mokiikom_fml 8
Your lizard is trying to help you, but he/she doesn't quite understands all the rules of human romance and went a bit too far too soon. But it was out of a good intention. lol You should be happy it was the lizard trying to help and not the snake, or you might have ended up with a trouser snake incident!
RuCheezBurger 10
I stopped reading after the 1st sentence.
ItsTheKing 10
OMG 81 THAT'S SO COOL!
chronicBuD420 0
hahah im pretty sure this isn't an FML
BeeMaddness 0
He so enjoyed
coltsrock37 15
sounds pretty kinky to me