Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mom called me screaming and cussing because she found pot in my room. I come home and my dad says, "I hid some pot in your room and I'm not letting you go to that concert if you rat me out." My dad is apparently a blackmailing 52-year-old stoner. FML
Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML
Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML
Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
your_ma 27
That's what you get for being a little bitch
jazmin3012 28
"Today, I tried to blackmail my dad..." Instant YDI
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
TonyTalkingClock 11
Only in Florida...
supersquirel500 10
tell the cops
wRIPPERw 23
What are you? Ten?
penguin_bitchez 15
You're a ******
Guatican 6
What could you possibly want so bad that you had to black mail your own dad...
thatguy240 27
No one likes a snitch
middlenamefrank 8
First of all, contrary to popular convention, it's a "bhang", not a "bong". Second, to keep something like that secret until you thought you "needed" it to blackmail your dad with is a sign of a manipulative, usurious personality. Sounds like you got the lesson you needed.
ChibiChibi_fml 28
No, no it is not. It is called a bong. A Bhang is a different cannabis related thing. Bhang - a mild preparation of marijuana made from young leaves and stems of the Indian hemp plant, Cannabis sativa, drunk with milk or water as a fermented brew or smoked for its hallucinogenic effects. Bong - A type of smoking pipe typically filled with water or ice.
pandalover69 26
I have never heard anyone call a bong a bhang and if I ever said that to any other mega pot smoker like myself they would laugh and ask wtf I'm talking about. I don't think you know what your talking about.
jackycat 17
35, not only are you really wrong on the bong/bhang thing, but usurious is used incorrectly. It means practicing usury, which is charging excessive or exorbitant or illegally high interest rates on loans. Stop embarrassing yourself by trying to sound like a know it all with words you actually don't know.
ABCDEF121 3
Damn you couldn't just wait until Christmas for COD Advanced warfare tho?
ChildrenOfFilth 12
Karma's a bitch. Huh?
oJoy 11
karma is a bitch