Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML
Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML
Today, I went to bed early, proud of myself for being responsible. However, I lay there wide awake replaying every awkward moment from the past ten years, including things no one else can possibly remember. I checked the clock at 3:47 AM and had to wake up at 6. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML
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Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Just don't do drugs...
moonsalt 20
What about us? Are we invited? c:
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Comments (101)
r0cks0 6
Sounds like the woman who sleep drove across her country. My qustion is how many exes do you have?
clair_brodie 35
Ah ambien. I totally understand.
shadow_woman 2
To everyone saying Ambien doesn't cause symptoms like this, it does. I have a prescription and have been on it almost a year. I've woken up sleep-eating. My boyfriend had watched my try to reorganize my room in my sleep, and I've had extensive conversations in my sleep. It's pretty common to have sleep-eating as a side-effect from Ambien. Op, FYL. That really sucks. I hope all of your exes understood.
SailorSolaris 43
Was the ambien your prescription? If not, then YDI. If it was, then FYL. The way you say it, though, it sounds like it's not prescription.
q6w6e6 6
That happens to my dad all the time!
Herpicus_McDerpi 7
Ambien+ night terrors= disaster. Avoid that shit.
Rich Sahlin 3
I know all about the fun you have while taking ambien...lol. Try waking up outside in the middle of a northern Wisconsin winter night (temp was about -20, no coat on and I lived alone out in the country)