Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML
Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML
Today, I went to bed early, proud of myself for being responsible. However, I lay there wide awake replaying every awkward moment from the past ten years, including things no one else can possibly remember. I checked the clock at 3:47 AM and had to wake up at 6. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML
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Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Just don't do drugs...
moonsalt 20
What about us? Are we invited? c:
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Comments (101)
rlTlk 13
being exhausted is the craziest trip. .. why they say driving tired is actually worse than driving drunk, and it's not just the risk off falling asleep at the wheel.. I know that me personally cannot sleep for nights on end sometimes or will only pass out for minutes then wake you spend an hour trying to pass back out for another 30 mins.. till I get to the point I'm seeing things and feel high AF. the ambien didn't make you sleep it just made you that much more tired and out of it. and I'm civil with if not friends with most my exs my biggest problem seems to be getting it through their heads that we will never date again.. but I can't lie and say there's never been substance induced rambling messeges... Oh and somehow since I am friends with them ive inadvertantly introduced them to eachother and now several are best friends. always fun when they get together get ****** up and take turns calling and texting me. .. so I could easily see something like your situation happening..
rlTlk 13
being exhausted is the craziest trip. .. why they say driving tired is actually worse than driving drunk, and it's not just the risk off falling asleep at the wheel.. I know that me personally cannot sleep for nights on end sometimes or will only pass out for minutes then wake up spend an hour trying to pass back out for another 30 mins.. till I get to the point I'm seeing things and feel high AF. the ambien didn't make you sleep it just made you that much more tired and out of it to do crazy stuffs. and I'm civil with if not friends with most my exs my biggest problem seems to be getting it through their heads that we will never date again.. but I can't lie and say there's never been substance induced rambling messeges... Oh and somehow since I am friends with them ive inadvertantly introduced them to eachother and now several are best friends. always fun when they get together get drunk and take turns calling and texting me. .. so I could easily see something like your situation happening..
lalaney 14
Not now, Ambien Walrus, I'm trying to study. I don't have time for naked twister.
sprinkesrdelish 5
this made me laugh. I've been there... oh ambien.
PunkySpunky78 15
To the op It seem from bad stories from people that aminen is bad for you I have heard from sleep talking to sleep eating and etc Try midnite all natural sleep aid next time
blackonblight 33
Ambien is known for making people do things entirely unaware, sleep sex, sleep cooking, sleep driving, sleep drunk driving, to the point where it's a legal defense for people who commit crimes while prescribed it. Doesn't mean it WORKS as a defense, just that at least one doctor has been called in to testify that the drug could have caused the crime to be committed without the participant's conscious knowledge.
krunchy_kitty 8
I did sleep-crossword puzzles, every box neatly filled in. Not with letters, though -- looked like that alien language from Futurama.
tukies 28
When I was on Ambien, I learned very quickly to make sure to be laying down within 30 minutes. If I was still up by the time the meds took effect there was no telling what I would do.
ZackL624 5
Don't apologize for a good time!
krapula 4
Isn't that supposed to help you go to sleep?
dstamm2 10
This doesn't make sense to me ambien is a sleeping pill