Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML
Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML
Today, I went to bed early, proud of myself for being responsible. However, I lay there wide awake replaying every awkward moment from the past ten years, including things no one else can possibly remember. I checked the clock at 3:47 AM and had to wake up at 6. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Just don't do drugs...
moonsalt 20
What about us? Are we invited? c:
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (101)
snapcracklepop41 3
that makes people do crazy things... ur not the only one...
MsMourningStar 22
This is why you always hide your phone from yourself when you're drinking or getting high.
IceyT 7
They gave me Ambien when I delivered my baby and I was so out of it that I picked up my cell phone and text my husband how much I hate him for leaving me alone before I gave birth to our son and that I was going to leave him for someone who loved me and got me tacos..he was literally right next to me while I was texting that to him.. I had tacos the next day when I woke up though.
xRazzSheri 4
What?! There are side effects to abusing prescription meds? Who knew!
squideth 18
Please show me where in the FML it says that he "abused" his prescription. All it says is that he took one for the first time, and had a reaction, which is pretty common.
Vnzlan_girl 10
Drugged you sounds like a pretty good time ;)
andreaor 7
how did you do that when Ambien makes you sleep?
blackonblight 33
Ambien is like, to quote Tara of WTFIWWY, prescription roofies. You do shit, usually regrettable shit you would never do under normal circumstance , then pass out, and don't remember a thing in the morning.
ImGucci 8
Where's my invite? I'm up for some naked twister
tigermom_natta 2
Yeah ambien f'ed me too. I took my one and went to sleep. Apparently I started sleep walking and I took the whole bottle and my mom found me in the bath room talking to myself in the mirror, wearing a turban, purple suspenders, and panty hose on my arms. I woke up in the hospital completely freaked out asking what happened! Lmao Funny now.
Etweens96 25
My grandmother was on that stuff, it's highly addictive. She kept hallucinating and doing things she doesn't remember. Last time she thought there was a dying dog in her room. One time she thought there was a gorilla on her bed! My best advice is for you to ask your doctor to get you off the stuff before it's too late. Cause that's stuff is highly addictive and it took us forever to finally get my grandmother off of it.
tigermom_natta 2
Zzzquil works wonders for me! I sleep so good with out the sleep walking and hallucinations.