Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
Today, I woke up to strange texts from friends asking if I was OK, and asking what happened last night. Apparently, I texted my close friends contact list a rambling love letter to pizza before going to bed. I'm never taking Ambien BEFORE getting into bed again. FML
Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML
Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Today, I woke up in a complete daze. It took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. Apparently my sleepwalking problems have returned, only this time I managed to overdose myself with Nyquil. As a result, I slept for fourteen hours, wet my sheets, and lost my job. FML
Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML
Today, I went to bed early, proud of myself for being responsible. However, I lay there wide awake replaying every awkward moment from the past ten years, including things no one else can possibly remember. I checked the clock at 3:47 AM and had to wake up at 6. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Today, I went to spend time with friends. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in my bed with several blocked contacts and text messages, saying that what I did was unacceptable. No drugs or alcohol were involved, and I have no memory of this. FML
Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML
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Top comments
worldclassrager 41
Just don't do drugs...
moonsalt 20
What about us? Are we invited? c:
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Comments (101)
worldclassrager 41
My question is how it's more FHL than YDI...tried the drug and it caused a problem simple...
cmayer 20
What..? Can you use punctuation and complete sentences and nouns and pronouns and all those nice things that make language beautiful?
kyu_Q 19
He tried to drug so he could sleep. I'm assuming here but I don't think it was used to get high.
jenn1808 16
Because "tried" does not mean "tried to get high." Sounds like OP was using it for legit purposes but had a side effect. If you tried antibiotics and had the side effect of crapping your pants, would you deserve that?
worldclassrager 41
I guess I didn't understand fully...thanks for clarification...
perdix 31
Just think, if it works just once, it would be totally worth it! The one who shows up -- marry her. You won't be able to do any better.
graceinsheepwear 34
Exactly how many exes do you have that are still in your phone?
jenn1808 16
I keep all of my exes numbers, of for no other reason than to be able to avoid answering if they call me.
RedPillSucks 33
I was thinking the same thing. Why would you keep the email addresses of all your ex around? @jenn1808 -- oohh.. That actually sounds like a good reason.
worldclassrager 41
How many relationships have you had?
swampbaby985 30
I was prescribed Ambien before....I decided to stop taking it when it started giving me VERY vivid nightmares and I'd wake up panting and sweating. I'd have to pinch myself to make sure it wasn't really reality. Scared the crap outta me and I haven't taken it since.
dmmcintyre3 8
Good thing you didn't wake up being arrested for DUI.
Golden_Rydes 3
Why,... apologize?
pensacolalady 10
That stuff will mess you up. My advice- get off of it now!
niggles817 7
oh ambien is knarley
FailBear920 19
Gnarly*
BradyT918 9
Good lord. Seems I'm a *******.
graceinsheepwear 34
Or insomniacs.
BrandiLush 31
I was prescribed it recently for PTSD related symptoms (mainly insomnia and nightmares) after another correctional officer tried to rape me in the bottom of a picket one night where no one could see or help me. Just because someone takes a prescription medication doesn't mean they are addicts.