Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML
Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML
Today, I told my mom that the puppy she was cuddling had a piece of dried poo stuck to its butt. Her reaction was to pluck the poo with her bare hands, put it on the coffee table next to my food, and continue cuddling. FML
Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML
Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML
Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML
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Top comments
Hacksaw 4
D'awwwww. Puppies are the bestest.
xtraonionsnomayo 0
That's puppy love for you.
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Comments (69)
plexico 4
Don't French your dog, you pervert! If you have to have a tongue down your throat, get a boyfriend, even an ugly boyfriend. When a dog licks you face, keep your mouth shut. In your case, you might to do that all the time.
gsm_fml 0
That's why I never let my dog lick my face. Disgusting!
bloodfalcon22 0
Maybe you should stop buying your dog those $1.75 "Dried-up Toad Carcasses" at PetCo haha but seriously, that was my toad any your puppy had no right to chew it.
moviemaniac97 0
haha that's gross! at least u wernt chewing on the dead frog like your puppy!
guardluvr 0
awww!!! poor toad!!!
tapesculpture 0
toady D:
doicha27 0
not an FML
girlygirl666 0
Shit!... I can't find my toad...
wbrycem 0
I never understood why people let dogs lick their faces. Or why people kiss their dogs. It's disgusting.
fegd 0
I'll second that. You totally deserved it for letting an animal kiss your mouth. That's just incredibly gross.
Stephnesss 0
Oh yeah. I hate when my dog licks my face. I'll sit there & I'll kiss his forehead then he'll be ready to lick me & literally 2 inches away from my face I say "don't lick my face!" & he stops. It's just disgusting. My other dog doesn't lick, when he kisses you he pushes his nose against your face. It's adorable
epicFAIL_Sometim 0
YDI how can you NOT tell the differance between a tube top and a skirt? Dumbass.
girlygirl666 0
Hahah Your name suits you, EpicFail.