Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my puppy came into my room, and I cupped his head in my hands and bent down to kiss him. As I did, I realized that the part of his head I was kissing was covered in his own shit that he'd seemingly been rolling in. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, my dog got so excited about a new toy that she vomited all over it. I had to clean up the vomit, throw away the toy, and now have a very sad dog. FML
Today, my dog thought it would be a good idea to use my phone as a chew toy. FML
Today, I told my mom that the puppy she was cuddling had a piece of dried poo stuck to its butt. Her reaction was to pluck the poo with her bare hands, put it on the coffee table next to my food, and continue cuddling. FML
Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML
Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML
Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
Today, while walking my dog in the darkness, I bent down to pick up his poop. I screamed like a little girl as his morning turd leapt up my arm, covering my hand and jacket sleeve in soggy poop. My dog had curled one out onto a dozing frog. I skipped breakfast. FML
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Top comments
Hacksaw 4
D'awwwww. Puppies are the bestest.
xtraonionsnomayo 0
That's puppy love for you.
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Comments (69)
DameGreyWulf 1
And that's another reason why I don't let dogs lick my face. How do you not realize you didn't give her a toy that looked like what she was chewing on, really, though? YDI.
muffinsareyummy 1
how the heck is this an fml? i've accidently picked up dogshit with my barehand before, i then washed my hands and moved on with my life. no complaints.
Mr_Horrible 0
Generally, letting dogs lick your face is gross. You know dogs lick their asshole and genitals a lot? Yeah, way worse than a dead toad if you asked me.
msc0015 0
Yup, welcome to the wonderful life of being a dog owner.
theinsomniac 0
Wow, pay more attention to what your dog is chewing on!
BadOwner 0
i hate puppies -HINTS THE NAME BADOWNER-
cryssycakesx3 23
do you mean hence?
TheKitsune 0
Puppies are awesome, but you should definitely be aware of what your puppy is putting in it's mouth. It could have been something very harmful :/
Fontario4 2
YDI for being disgusting letting your dog lick your ******* face and mouth.
Brendan3693 0
good bye lunch
ILoveDaWorld 5
lol my dog has done stuff like that all the time. like once she was chewing a dead rat and then started to like me