Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML
Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML
Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML
Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
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Top comments
lajaynay 15
I wish my grandmother talked like that. Then I wouldn't have Bible verses thrown at me whenever I walk in the door.
Rickilynn1 10
Your grandma seems cool.
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Comments (116)
bubo_fml 11
Reminds me of my Grandma! She would swear at the drop of a hat! But, if she or my Grandad ever pissed me off, I'd hide their dentures from them & wouldn't give them back until they whistled the National Anthem! They used to Chase me round the house & hit mw with their cane...
Shafreeka 8
My Grandma used to call me Satan spawn, beat me with her canes, too.
ukrage 1
best.granny.ever.
lunargh 7
That's amazing! When my boyfriend met my family it kicked off an hour-long religious debate (they're all superChristians and he's atheist). THAT'S bad behaviour from your family. I'll trade if you like!
womblebat 2
I love her, lmao! I'm sure your boyfriend thought she was funny, unless he's a stuck up ****.
davek 36
FYL, but your grandma is a legend!
venomlash 9
As a guy, I can tell you that your boyfriend probably just thought it was kind of funny. Well, embarrassing too, but I'd predict that the funny outweighs the mortified.
Mistery510 6
Epic Grandma Win!!!
craigi 3
Your grandma is awesome. You should be more like her.
Zombie65 0
I like your grandma she's cool lol If your new BF is worth keeping he'll like her too
gingerkitkat 2
i adore your grandma.