Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML
Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with my grandma. A young, ripped gentleman suddenly walked through the door and my grandma looked at him and shouted, "Look! Eye candy!" as loud as she could. He heard it and was extremely embarrassed. To make it worse, my grandma is a widow, so she might have actually meant it. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML
Today, I went to a family dinner. While waiting to be seated, a guy walked by and I looked to see if he was hot. Then my grandma yelled, "Get your eyeballs back in your head and quit staring at boys!" The whole restaurant heard her. Including the guy. And yes, he was hot. FML
Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML
Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
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Top comments
lajaynay 15
I wish my grandmother talked like that. Then I wouldn't have Bible verses thrown at me whenever I walk in the door.
Rickilynn1 10
Your grandma seems cool.
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Comments (116)
DomoLaDii 8
LOL....G.MA SEEMS COOL LMAO
SageAnonymous 6
At least she didn't start hitting people. That's a plus.
jren207 24
Just hitting on them instead?
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Ur grampa sounds awesome
LordGoober 13
Seems like someone passed 3rd grade comprehension class.
Shafreeka 8
Or not...
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Ur grampa sounds awesome
KattAlex 4
You can always say she has tourettes. If I was you I would have just laughed.
sxe_beast 11
At least your boyfriend is attractive?
FailureFYL 0
Ur familiy's ur family... B proud u have them.... I haven't seen my grandma in 9 years... Only through phone and webcam....:(
jren207 24
111, Quite a few phones have 3G video calling capabilities.
HeyImJuli 3
Ur grandpa's a lucky man :)
sandybaybe 3
Seems like your gramma approves.. Maybe a lil too much?
perdix 31
I hope you are not some kind of uptight prude bitch. Otherwise, your boyfriend can only lament that your family's glory days are over. Hopefully, you'll **** him sideways to give him hope that the future is not dismal.