Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon, after I'd explained to her how scared I was of The Exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, my mother told me she wanted me to get an exorcism. Yes, she was serious. I'm Jewish. FML
Today, I was laying in bed when my sister came running in, scared. I took my bat and went into the kitchen where the suspicious noise was coming from. It was a rat, right in the middle of the floor. I jumped on the counter and shrieked, just as my girlfriend walked in, who then actually dealt with it. FML
Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks. Recently I hid a bottle of booze in my room so my parents wouldn’t see it. But my parents saw a rat in my room and tore the whole thing apart to find it, eventually finding my bottle instead. I was literally ratted out by a rat. FML
Today, after my house almost got broken into last week, when I heard some noises in the kitchen I went to investigate. I saw a huge rat run across my floor, and nearly peed myself thinking it was an intruder. FML
Today, my mom wants me to get an exorcism because piercings, tattoos, my own car, my own career, moving out of her house, and wanting zero contact with her from now on are "sure signs of demonic possession", maybe even the influence of Lucifer himself. FML
Today, my nana tried to drown my pet rat because it's white with red eyes, and red eyes mean it’s Satan in disguise, and yet my mom still refuses to admit she needs to be in a nursing home. FML
Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML
Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML
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Top comments
Lucia_Malpense 14
How ridiculous. Everyone knows that the Devil lives in the basement.
HaneenDixon 16
Oh man! I can't believe your mom ratted out the devils hiding spot!
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Comments (42)
asamir 11
Get yourself a black cat. Either it will catch the mice or be possessed by the devil's spirit.
Lizzy500 16
Troll mom is awesome
incendiaaa 23
best mom everrr.
vocaloidtiger 12
You don't have to continue the last letter of a word to get your point acrossssss.
ClippersFan310 4
:-)
Geekyandproud 19
Unless you're a pussy and are terrified, calm down and appreciate your moms sense of humour !!
SApprentice 34
When are you humans going to learn that we have a right to live too? It's cold out there. You don't even use that attic. You have all that extra, toasty warm space, just being wasted, and you never even have to look at it. You stick all those cozy things up there and line your walls with insulation, and then you have the nerve to tell us that you won't even share it? That you would rather us freeze? And then when we do have to come inside, because our children are hungry and cold, you murder us? It's genocide out there, and I for one will not stand for it! You better be ready, because the anarchist rats are coming, baby, and we will take ALL of your delicious warmth, and ALL of your most decadent nibbles. The age of human tyranny will soon come to a just and well deserved end, and you have only yourselves to blame.
Ashley_Radke 13
I love rats! I used to find abandoned newborn rats (our cat loved hunting) and we would keep them and take care of them! I hate it when people use deadly methods to get rid of rats and mice. :(
ironichalibut 24
Dear Rats, we have heard your argument and considered your demands. We don't have time to talk to rats so we forwarded it to the cats, their response follows: Dear rats, we would rather not have you freeze to death, if only so that we can have the fun of catching you ourselves. We understand that rats have survived more or less outside in the wild for millions of years and don't need to risk the health of our humans with your presence, dirtying up their boxes. Cats earn our keep by catching pests like you, and keeping our owners happy. We cats are waiting for you, watching, and the warm lap of our tyranny will not be overthrown. Sincerely, The Cats
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
Well cats, the dogs have also written up a letter in response to that one. And it reads : Dear cats, you always paw at our faces when we are just trying to say hi. You always scratch our backs when ever we just run by. And you always sleep on our master's lap, and when ever us much bigger dogs try to do so, they throw us down. But worst of all, you urinate and deficate inside the house. And if one of us dogs were to do so, we would be yelled at, hit, and thrown outside being called "Dirty" or "Smelly". WE HAVE HAD IT! We don't know what kind of terrible mind control you have spread upon our masters, but your reign of favoritism is over! Mark the words of this letter. Us dogs will reclaim the title of "Man's Best Friend". And we too, shall sleep on our master's bed without being kicked off for "Smelling terrible". Sincerely, Dogs. PS. This may be weird but you really smell good and I get the urge to hump you. That is all I want. Please don't scratch me. I thought we were friends. This is how us dogs show that we are friends. :'(
nayib 10
These threads were awesome
Drunkenness 9
Your mom is a smart lady. Great taste in films too.
Shadow_Phantom 26
I really hope this is sarcasm.
HeartOfLead 24
# 31, only one of the two can be true.
Soloman212 28
It's probably just Corvo, don't mind him.
KiroBloodDrunk 14
I thought I had rats too.. Then I took a look and found out it was a very angry blackbird.. Worst. Day. Ever.
wvcheesehead1 9
You need an old exterminator and a young exterminator