Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my daughter that she wasn't allowed to eat in her room, so she sat at the table and glared at me for 10 minutes while she ate. She's 15. FML
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
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Top comments
dyschordia 0
That's some awesome parenting you must have provided to wind up with a horrible little brat like that - well done!
Cr4zyd4wg 0
Sounds like a good, proper spanking is in order.
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Comments (60)
perdix 31
You mustn't be from Wisconsin. Here, you may consume dairy products 24 hours a day. They tell me there are laws stating this.
Wazilla 0
Yeah, there are. I've lived here my entire life, and go through almost a gallon and a half of milk a day.
perdix 31
I just moved here and I'm keeping on the right side of the law by eating cheeses I've never heard of, frozen custard, yogurt and ice cream. I've learned the right way to consume string cheese. I still haven't had a surprise spot inspection by the State Dairy Patrol, but I am ready. How often do you get yours?
iBeast101 5
discipline is what that child needs!
eatmyshortssss1 8
Wow, that's rough OP. Kids can be pretty unpredictable, but you better make certain that she never does that again D:
weasel781 2
you should make your child clean up her shit with her tongue as punishment OP
stevenmx86 8
So clean it up? wtf?
disney_blonde 16
Someone failed in the discipline department.
Deltasly 0
beat her ******* ass!!!!!!!!!!!
iwuvwoo 7
Well, your the one who raised the brat.
donnymarkus 3
she's probably black..
Consequences 0
Five across the eyes.