Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML
Today, I told my five year-old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML
Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML
Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML
Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML
Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML
Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML
Today, after giving my kids a lengthy bedtime lecture about the merits of being responsible, I thought about all the chores I had left to do, promptly ate ice cream in the shower, and went to bed. FML
Today, I figured out my 1-year-old daughter likes to dip her hand in our dogs' water bowl, and rub the water on her face. So I put the water bowl out of reach. She then figured out how to open the bathroom door and use the toilet instead. FML
Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML
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Top comments
iseyixes 18
I guess her future allowances just went down the drain.
notjanedoe 27
Under five five years old: with a bit more experience, your child will go far. Above ten years old: you raised an idiot. In between: average is its own aspiration.
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Comments (89)
psycholover 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This is the cutest thing. You should be happy that you have such a lovely child! ( ps. I hope she's still little)
pokemai 6
How is this cute ? She might have broken the disposal, plus she's trying to keep secrets from her parents.
sarah6786 14
This comment rephrased: "This is so cute, and I hope your daughter is also young, because that makes putting metal objects in a garbage disposal even cuter!".
lennelleong 33
Yes, OP - just how old is she? I hope you reply!
hplover7 11
It's ok, I thought this was cute too! She is small and doesn't understand those things. It's not like she did it on purpose. This will make a funny story one day
hplover7 11
It sounds like she is really young.. The little girl probably wasn't doing this on purpose and it's cute and will make for a funny story one day about how she killed the garbage disposal all for a bit of ice cream. Parents need to learn to laugh at situations, you can't hold kids to the same standard of reasoning
MilkyFilmz 26
Op didn't say agr
iseyixes 18
I guess her future allowances just went down the drain.
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
Yea because a spoon and a bowl are so expensive
capslockisgood 19
Not really but a garbage disposal is.
yahoowizard 16
Yes because when you take away your kids allowance, you factor in monetary damages and take just that
zen1979 16
Kids will do anything to avoid cleaning up lol
Damian95 16
I bet OP screamed for ice cream.
domking1315 20
I bet she ate it quietly to avoid getting caught
jannatanelle 5
#63 I bet OP s daughter ate it quietly for fear of getting caught yet I bet OP screamed when she heard that all to familiar metal on metal grinding noise !!!! If I was sleeping and my child was not waking up to that sound would scare me senseless until I made sure my child was all in one piece
vlalam 24
U have a genius right there... U have to be extra cautious to make sure the child is on right track
billbob95 3
Talking of geniuses look at your spelling...
RoboCunnilingus 23
Other than replacing "you" with "U", there's nothing wrong with his spelling.
joawmeens 7
Context is important in this story. If she's younger than 6, it's cute. If she's over 18, is she seeing anybody, and can I get her number?
Olympiakos10 15
I'm pretty sure an 18 year old isn't that stupid...
chuckcloninger 12
Funny, funny, funny!
emilyjgraham 34
What about the ages in between?
Zatheria 1
She'd probably try and put your dick down the disposal while you we're sleeping
notjanedoe 27
Under five five years old: with a bit more experience, your child will go far. Above ten years old: you raised an idiot. In between: average is its own aspiration.
christian_slate 16
College just isn't working for kids these days :P
grahmagog 14
Kids at their finest
worldclassrager 41
Is it really a huge deal to hide that? If she told you I bet you would have understood...
RedPillSucks 33
Some parents like their children to eat real food (dinner, etc) before having a snack. Also, she may have some sort of dietary restrictions that make eating ice cream, though non fatal, still problematic
kristabelli 19
Maybe OP is a raging tiger mom (read: bitch) and the daughter was afraid of getting yelled at.
skehar 23
If she does that over ice cream, consider yourself warned for the future. :)
Olympiakos10 15
Next up on 1000 ways to die. A girl kills her boyfriend and hides his body so the mother doesn't find out
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
At least you'll have a funny childhood story to tell when your daughter is older! Im assuming she's young.