Today, I thought that working as a lifeguard I would be saving lives, rescuing people and things along those lines. What do I get told to do on my first shift? Clean all the fecal matter and hair out the pool. I almost threw up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML
Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML
Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML
Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML
Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Tripartita 45
Congrats, sounds like you're in the "wax-on, wax-off" phase of your training. It starts with cleaning fecal matter and hair out of the pool, but eventually your seasoned old instructor will reveal that he's been subconsciously training you to save lives the whole time.
Burton_Forever 23
Someone has to do it if you weren't the new guy another new guy would have to do it, remember nothing in life is handed to you. You must work for what you want in life.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (42)
LowExpectations 30
This is exactly why I don't go any where near public pools. Good luck to you OP. Eventually you'll be one of "the guys" at work and the next newbie will get dookie patrol.
worldclassrager 41
Everyone moves up in line...when you have a new trainee they will take your place...
catanita 18
Some people are so disgusting. Why do they poop in the pool? I bet there is a toilet near by.
anyagrande 31
Its usually little children who's parents are too lazy to put a pool nappy on them
SixthSinEnvy 39
This is why I don't swim in public swimming pools. The saying is true, it's like swimming in a giant toilet.
Dale_shackleford 13
At least the toilet probably gets flushed every now and then.
CallMeMonica 15
You're also an overqualified babysitter just so you know.
anyagrande 31
Not really????
GreenMango 2
Oh my gosh; YES! I've been a lifeguard for 11 years and a pool manager for 7 of those years! Some parents have no idea what's going on with their kids while they're at the pool! I've saved kids from drowning and half the parents don't even know what happened; so we have to page the parents to the front desk to fill out water rescue reports! And then you have the parents that drop kids off at the pool all day (from open to close). ^^If the kid is old enough to take care of themselves that's fine, but don't leave your 9 year olds with us if they don't have sunscreen; food or water; or no money to buy food or water.
danman27 15
Hey, that means no one is drowning
Baynality 2
As someone who's been lifeguarding for 7 years; you see it, you deal with it, regardless of how long you've been doing the job. Not to mention your primary function at a pool is prevention. If you're saving lives and doing rescues on the daily, or even monthly, you're doing your job wrong.
The_Butt_Shark 4
As a former lifeguard for 7 years. Welcome to be an over qualified, under paid, and under appreciated baby sitter. Have fun.
Baynality 2
Oh yeah, this too
AdamToddBrown 2
Were you planning on just being paid to sit and stare all day?
sempisaviour 17
Shouldn't they just hire a janitor for that? Everyone's just turning into the biggest social Darwinists on this post lol
kakarot26 7
you should seriously consider the health factor