Today, I thought that working as a lifeguard I would be saving lives, rescuing people and things along those lines. What do I get told to do on my first shift? Clean all the fecal matter and hair out the pool. I almost threw up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML
Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML
Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year-olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
Today, I was working my lifeguard job when I had to remind a 17 year-old boy that water is clear and that I could see him pulling his trunks down to moon his friends. Kind of want to drown myself now. FML
Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML
Today, on my first day as a lifeguard, a man had a heart attack in the pool. I jumped in, pulled him out, and even went to the hospital with him. He seemed genuinely offended, saying "You should've let me die." FML
Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML
Today, while lifeguarding, a kid thought it'd be hilarious to take a crap in the pool. The other kids freaked out and rushed to get out. Several of them slipped on the way out and hurt themselves fairly badly. Two parents are now threatening to sue us, and my boss blames me. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Congrats, sounds like you're in the "wax-on, wax-off" phase of your training. It starts with cleaning fecal matter and hair out of the pool, but eventually your seasoned old instructor will reveal that he's been subconsciously training you to save lives the whole time.
Burton_Forever 23
Someone has to do it if you weren't the new guy another new guy would have to do it, remember nothing in life is handed to you. You must work for what you want in life.
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Comments (42)
nerd102 19
You'd probably have to clean that out as well...
anonynous97 13
Dude as a lifeguard all I do is sit around and occasionally sweep the deck, take out the trash, or clean the bathrooms.
coolnopedude 11
FYL op
backstrokebeast 4
You're in the "puppy phase" In about a month you will get used to things.
Grae_ski 10
You'll find out soon enough that that's how the majority of your days will be spent as a lifeguard
videogames4life 10
I'm such a spoiled brat considering that my first thought after reading this was, "I would never do that. Hell no". In all seriousness though, good luck OP. You're definitely a bigger man than I am.
zezili 18
YDI for not reading the job description before applying. It's your responsibility to know what your own job entails.
mr_t_07 10
Believe me this part never goes away. I've been guarding for 4 years and I still clean up the pools, but the good of possibly saving lives outweighs the cleaning part by a ton.
IorvethTheXolo 8
I spent a LOT of time at public pools since both my dad and my best friend had one in their neighborhoods and the lifeguard never once had to save someone. I don't think it's actually that common. You're there just in case. I do, however, remember hearing about quite a number of incidents during the many days we spent at the local water park. Wave pool, tons of different slide pools, lazy river, regular pools, giant slides, etc. Lots more saving to do there, I think. Perhaps, after you've spent some time at this pool, you should look at getting a job with a water park. As a kid, I never thought about how nasty all this stuff was and it's been probably a decade since I've been to a public pool or a water park, but my dad lives in the hottest part of Arizona and, frankly, no one cared as long as we weren't melting.