Today, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up behind my dad and yell "BOO!" to scare him. He didn't even flinch. All he did was calmly look over his shoulder and sigh, "Oh for fuck's sake. And you wonder why I don't love you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML
Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML
Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML
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Top comments
UnluckyLatina 22
Is your name Eric Forman by any chance?
YouEatDiarrhea 13
I love you, OP :)
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Comments (46)
nash1991 20
At least he didn't elbow your teeth out
Oppression_fml 19
Someone's sneak skills are low!
ShadowStarEXE 35
That was pretty harsh. Don't worry, OP, I bet there's better people in your life who love you. :)
Hildy93 21
Is your dad Mr Buzzkillington?
dman798 18
When reality strikes
estrada813 11
I'm sorry but this is just too funny
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
OP's dad scared him enough that he wrote an FML about it. I'm gonna give this one a YDI cause OP obviously isn't as good at this as his dad.
theRonin 18
Ouch... That's a pretty harsh thing to say to your own child.
G6Fari 18
The fact that he didn't flinch, makes him badass af. But I love you OP
GhostFox 34
Wow. I am both impressed at OP's Dad's lack of reaction and want to drop an anvil on his testicles from 30 feet up.