Today, I texted my boyfriend a few dirty messages at lunch time and told him how badly I wanted him home. He texted back lecturing me on how I shouldn't be so drunk so early. I was totally sober, but now I need a drink. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML
Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, my friend got drunk with me and texted my boyfriend, saying she was in love with him and missed him. Her brother came to my house since she got caught drunk and gave a “lecture” on responsibility. I don't know what’s worse, the lecture or the fact that he’s my boyfriend. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, my boss mistakenly drunk-texted me and was talking shit about me. FML
Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me grief about my drinking. This would be fine, if he were sober. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend of three and a half years a text message spilling my heart out, saying I'll love him forever, and how much I appreciate him in my life, that I want to be the mother of his children, etc. His text back to me? "Are you drunk?!?" FML
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Top comments
Lebeaugars95 20
Your boyfriend sounds really fun
PhatCake 10
Did you tell him you were sober?
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Comments (60)
feven 32
I mean I wouldn't say it's his fault for assuming. Maybe you're dirty texts sound just like your drunk texts.
sstahpp 33
Drunk sex = Awesome sex.
alex1022 11
not always...
Rawrshi 25
Considering sex with a drunk person is considered rape and can come with a hefty jail time I think that was 17's point of "not always". Or the fact you could get thrown up on. That's actually happened to my housemate. :D
Rawrshi 25
Oooh. Then no clue. :P I've never had drunk sex so I can neither confirm or deny any awesomeness or lack thereof from the female perspective. Plus, you know, the whole potentially being thrown up on thing. Not my thing~
ProfessorMctitie 20
#15 I always laugh at your comments because they are always thumbed down. :P
Allornone 35
not really. in my experience, if the guy has had too much to drunk, certain parts don't always work the way they're supposed to.
starile 20
#42, that's exactly what I was thinking. Whiskey dick.
sstahpp 33
All you assholes can suck my dick :D
alex1022 11
if you dont do it often or have done it before while you were drunk, that may lead to him assuming that you were in fact drunk. sorry op just talk to him about it.
SkullsRules1 26
Oh well, seems like just a misunderstanding. At least he cares about your health :)
mete_orito 34
OP has or had a drinking problem perhaps? It sounds like her boyfriend has seen her in that circumstance before.
kirbs19 37
Can't take a hint can he?
ProfessorMctitie 20
Maybe get drunk and try again?
captainsmegma 12
Next time send beaver shots.
brehhh_fml 8
^^^this
starile 20
Or boobs. He'll never argue.
Nimor 25
Well that just sucks...
fsomelife 26
Guess now that you need a drink, his lecture will come in handy. It's almost as if he knew what the future held...