Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I found out what my husband meant when he said he "accidentally installed an indoor pool" last night. FML
Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
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Top comments
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
Just don't let him catch you trying to clean her filter.
gladlily 16
I feel sorry for the wife for more reasons than one if he thinks that **** is a realistic depiction of anything...
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Comments (84)
joelp232 17
at that point you should have taken off your shirt ?
gintwinsmoore 20
hilarious!
ihatedouchbags 17
Apparently, so do you!
TiggyBonkers 32
Maybe try being the pizza man next time!
oobergoober89 16
With an 80s porno mustache "Excuse me ma'am, I've got some hot sausage ready for delivery"
interesting33 37
He might be talking about something or someone else, or it could be an abusive relationship
interesting33 37
I did, but I added that he could have been talking about something else. Shouldn't have repeated myself though
TayTay909 12
He must have been a desperate house wives fan
grumblebum 16
Next time start flirting with him
daemonsparta 16
he watched too much OLD ****, nobody makes poolboy **** anymore
JokerJ312 23
That's not true. They definitely still do
captainsmegma 12
Tomorrow take a boom box and play some 70's **** music. Wear a thong and don't forget to manscape.
mccrightp 29
I'll bet the husband never orders pizza either. Sausage or otherwise!