Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I found out what my husband meant when he said he "accidentally installed an indoor pool" last night. FML
Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
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Top comments
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
Just don't let him catch you trying to clean her filter.
gladlily 16
I feel sorry for the wife for more reasons than one if he thinks that **** is a realistic depiction of anything...
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Comments (84)
interesting33 37
I don't know if this is about **** - it sounds way more like a really abusive relationship. If he is going ballistic over a random guy. I feel really bad for his wife - I can't imagine he lets her see friends much.
Kitty_Kat44 31
But maybe for some bizarre reason she gave him a reason to think this? Or your probably right and the guys just crazy. Either way awkward for op.
siggy_mcsigx 22
12 That's my initial thoughts on this.
tranced_ 45
So you mean he watches lesbian ****?
fancy_98 19
Op is a guy...
TheElderTROLLZ 15
He's secretly gay and he wants to **** you first
davie94 18
That's what I was thinking haha
aylind 18
I just love how your name is "**** blocked" op hahaha
jimmer23 21
That's how all the best porno's start.
yarani 26
By **** logic, you must **** her, be caught doing it and then have a glorious threesome by the pool. Everyone wins.
MrConcise 35
#19 - Nonono, all wrong! OP's employer's sister has to begin having an affair with OP, then his boss catches them and it turns into a threesome. The husband never wins in ****.
Duckay 11
Unless they're doing the babysitter, for some reason.
sunnyskys 25
you know the wife is a total *****. She must be mad cuz her husbands home.
trellz17 19
I guess you're tempting him....if he invites you in for a drink, leave.
EarlFug 19
And you sign your post "**** blocked?" Is it possible the husband was more intuitive than you'd care to believe?
buckdharma 38
Tell him,"she needs her liner stretched."
sunnyskys 25
lol damn, I feel bad for the husband though, cuz the wife can't her pants buttoned.
ladoom 23
It's not even ****, he must have been watching desperate housewives.