Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML
Today, I found out what my husband meant when he said he "accidentally installed an indoor pool" last night. FML
Today, a couple yelled at me and reported me to the homeowner association for "watching them make out" at the pool. I'm the lifeguard. FML
Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML
Today, I said to our pool-boy, "I know what you're doing, and you have to stop it." He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML
Today, the window cleaner did his rounds at my house. I sat at my mirror applying makeup and doing my hair. When he came to my window, he yelled rather loudly, "Stop putting on a show for me, you dirty slut!" FML
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Top comments
MyDadLeftMeInKFC 21
Just don't let him catch you trying to clean her filter.
gladlily 16
I feel sorry for the wife for more reasons than one if he thinks that **** is a realistic depiction of anything...
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Comments (84)
Camo23 21
Someone sounds paranoid.
sandman676 20
Take your shirt off and blow him a kiss hahahaha
JackDupp 11
So as your cleaning the pool start humming to yourself "boom chicka wow boom chicka wow wow"
amanda182 19
For some reason this FML reminds me of the song "Stacys mom".. And I have no idea why.
savemeSheehan 8
id tell her you feel uncomfortable with her husband because hes always watching you lol
becca9985 34
Given your username, were you hoping to get a little action?