Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, some jackass spider decided to lay eggs behind my wall. No matter how many I kill, I always wake up to multiple baby spiders on my ceiling. FML
Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML
Today, while barbecuing, I noticed a small black baby spider crawling on my shirt. Then I felt another one crawling on the back of my neck. I still don't know if there were more than two baby spiders on me. FML
Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
Arachnophobia. That truly sucks op. Time to get the flamethrowers and poison grenades.
Becca_Bear_98 19
I would've RonWeasly'd that, ran, tripped, and managed to break my arm. Butterflies, why couldn't it have been butterflies?!
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Comments (114)
devildog562 33
Arachnophobia. That truly sucks op. Time to get the flamethrowers and poison grenades.
ELoni_fml 25
Maybe it's because I don't have a basement, but I wouldn't even know what spider eggs look like
devildog562 33
It looks like a cotton ball. It's usually a small sac that holds all the little demons until birth.
Lebeaugars95 20
I would've had a heart attack and died, glad you're ok OP
enddmd 27
Very often when they "hatch," all the surviving baby spiders come out and eat their mother. Not-so-fun fact of the day!
devildog562 33
Spiders are cannibals. Most female spiders eat their male partner after sex. Best an worst day ever for them...
kerstileann 26
what does not having a basement have to do with anything? haha. my apartment gets spiders on the ceiling. they are insanely easy to spot. like above said it looks like a cotton ball. a tiny floating cotton ball that explodes with clear 8 legged hellspawn.
asnakelovinbabe 16
The spiders were likely already hatched, they often use the ball of silk as a safe haven, and if disturbed they will all come zooming out!
asnakelovinbabe 16
38, that is incorrect. Most species of spiders do not have "sacrificial mothers" where the mother dies to feed her young. Spiders have many ways of caring for their offspring and that is just one of them, and not nearly as popular as spinning a silk ball to protect the eggs and young or some variation of that. Some mothers take that further by carrying the ball on their backs, and then when they're born, she carries the cluster of babies on her back. Many arachnids are fantastic parents. We also see this baby-carrying in scorpions. Centipedes (not arachnids) actually curl around their eggs and babies, never leave their side, and rear them in much the same fashion a cat does with her kittens.... Protecting them, cleaning them, feeding them, and it's amazing to watch a giant 10 inch long centipede with giant fangs and lightning reflexes handler her babies so gently and delicately. Get to know them, and you'll find that spiders and the like are incredible, complex creatures.
smokecloud_ 37
Fascinating maybe, terrifying abso-******'-lutely.
adrian1910 15
Spiders don't hurt anyone
ohSNAPyall 27
^ Depends on the species of spider. For example, Daddy Long Legs are cool to have around, as they'll only eat other bugs. Brown Recluses are not. They can bite you venomously.
asnakelovinbabe 16
"Daddy Long Legs"... Aka Harvestmen, aka Opiliones, are not spiders. They are not much closer to being a spider than a scorpion is. They're a separate type of arachnid. And it's not just Brown Recluse that can "bite you venomously". All true spiders are venomous, but the vast majority of them have weak venom that is harmless to us. So any spider you can think of that has working mouthparts can "bite you venomously". Having said that, we have identified 35,000-40,000 species of spiders and identify new ones every day. A literal handful of them are actually hazardous to humans. We have approximately 3,500 species of spider in the US. How many of them are harmful again? Two? Three? Four? I mean come on now, really? Spiders are simply not the horrible monsters that the tv-shows (complete with scary music playing in the background) make them out to be. Along with sharks, crocodilians, and centipedes, they are an example of nature's ultimate predatory success stories, being so fine-tuned for their jobs that they have remained largely unchanged for very long periods of time. Plus, they have managed to create a material, with nothing but their ass, five times stronger than steel.... far superior to what we can make, which is why we look to them for guidance.
MrConcise 35
@70 - Yeah, I hate explaining that my tarantula has venom that isn't dangerous to humans, unless they're sickly infants. Most people think venom is any bite that's deadly. I actually find quite a few brown recluses where I live, it terrifies me to think I could put my socks on one day and have the skin tissue on my feet liquified.
AninOnin 24
Tarantulas are just terrifying to me, probably because I haven't really been exposed to them very often. I just don't like any "bug" that isn't a butterfly, ladybug, or praying mantis (and even those three sometimes startle me). Especially when they're a giant version of a creepy-ass MFer.
kerstileann 26
not to be rude asnakelovinbabe but i think the one you mean is "Pholcidae". ;)
doodlecloud 27
Also, many people refer to crane flies as daddy long legs. They're not spiders either of course but you know, 65 could've meant them. *shrugs*
asnakelovinbabe 16
No, I did mean what I said. But I understand why you thought differently. It turns out, as I have learned, different people have different ideas on what a "daddy long legs" is. Here, we call the harvestmen that. Some people instead know a daddy long legs to be a pholcidae, or a "vibrating spider" or whatever else they want to call the damned thing. Those basement dwellers with loooong spindly legs. Common name confusion is why it's good to stick with Latin names!
kerstileann 26
i grew up thinking the Pholcidae was the true "daddy long legs". my apoligies.
Rababco 29
That's pretty cool, I didn't know that. I love all animals and enjoy learning about them, even animals others find frightening like spiders and snakes.
SarahSehhati 40
ehhdbd
Iranx_x 9
Burn your shirt. With you in it or not!! SAVE YOUR SPECIES
ethan_unoxx 29
spiders aren't that bad, really. Maybe OP should take the shirt off and throw it away from them. its better than burning yourself.
silvercamaro 22
Burn the house down too. They've taken it over now.
niftyhasdelulz 12
I feel physically sick just reading this FML. #3 is right, take one for the team and BURN THE SHIRT, EVERYTHING YOU TOUCHED, YOUR HOUSE AND ALSO WHILE YOU'RE THERE... STAY IN IT WHILE IT BURNS.
gatorclay97 28
STAY CALM AND DO EXACTLY AS I SAY, First, get gasoline second, pour the gas on you and surrounding areas, third, light it, the spiders negative evil energy will absorb and be destroyed by the flames leaving you save.
Vickeh 15
I would prolly burn the house down and move to Nopeville.
cryssycakesx3 23
what is this "prolly" you speak of?
Vickeh 15
Prolly=probably
devildog562 33
Don't feed the nazis. Plus I liked nopeville
DippinGrizzly907 27
Aaaand the fun is killed....
RowanSpirit 9
Fairly sure they weren't being a "Nazi," they were just saying the whole word should be taken out. Burn it all! Run for your life!
Becca_Bear_98 19
I would've RonWeasly'd that, ran, tripped, and managed to break my arm. Butterflies, why couldn't it have been butterflies?!
Gittoh 21
I am not sure caterpillars would have been better?
sp4ghetti 9
Bruh #5 was referencing Harry Potter
piff7 14
#72 caterpillars would be so much better considering they move a lot slower and are easier to remove anyway
Becca_Bear_98 19
Harry Potter reference mate
GeekGirl2000 13
butterflies would have been better ;-;
cadillacgal79 32
Burn everything.
maharb01 17
oh noes! You know that you're going to feel like your skin is crawling for like the next month, right? good luck!
YFOS_fml 17
Sooooooooo when are you moving to Mars?
devildog562 33
Space spiders are radioactive. Bad idea.
ohSNAPyall 27
Did you learn nothing from Ziggy Stardust?
isabellasimone 18
In a few years, you'll laugh about it!
PresidentNorth 16
You don't just laugh at spiders being hatched on you. That is a deep scar nothing will wipe away.
RedPillSucks 33
#9 means the maniacal laughter which happens after you've lost it all
igive 29
Spray yourself with Raid like a teenage boy does with Axe.
kimg0885 23
Actually the axe spray might just kill them
kerstileann 26
just here to say, a few years ago i actually killed a daddy long leg with my brothers can of spray deoderant (sp?) so yeah it does work. not sure about axe specifically but spray deoderant (again sp?) does work.
ohSNAPyall 27
Why did you do that? Those things are harmless to you. They are not a pest.
kerstileann 26
it was crawling on me and wouldnt get off, i just was a dick i know.