Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML
Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
In three days he will return to you... where have I read that before?
Psychopauser 0
Not a FML more like a FJesusFigureLife
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Comments (114)
bookyourfaces 0
Hahah. Just think of it as your dog giving the miracle of life. Jesus is goin on an adventure! (:
madyeti 0
Jesus is delicious!
Poepiepiesie 3
Being an atheist implys that you found the human brain a verifiable resources however the brain and it's thoughts can only be verified by other brains and so philosophically the atheism theory is just as plausible as the religion theory. However there are dinosaurs that prove that the earth is older then the bible says.
Kittie68 0
also... you could apply the "china" concept to about 3/4 of the FML's on here. that's like me saying that "the sex I had last night was horrible" and u responding with "you shouldn't complain about how horrible the sex you had last night was, I was raped..." cmon really...
fuckmylife2323 0
He's nothing special anyway
stogebreak7 4
jesus is lord.
aquaticninja 0
lmfao! this is in my favorites && I laugh everytime :3
trexasaurus 4
srudez 14
jesus is still gunna b born...just out of the wrong hole...ewww
heyitsmikayla 14
I guess he will have a......holy shit ?