Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML
Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
In three days he will return to you... where have I read that before?
Psychopauser 0
Not a FML more like a FJesusFigureLife
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Comments (114)
shanemayhem 1
OMG! How is this an FML??? This is hilarious! If my dog was okay, I'd be laughing my head off. Well, okay, maybe unless it was a really expensive mini nativity...that could suck. But it would still be funny. I'm giggling every time I think about it.
FerrariCake 2
YOU CAN SELL YOUR DOG ON EBAY!!! You could list him as "dog that will give birth to baby Jesus just in time for Christmas" Some nutty Jesus-freak would pay a lot of money for that dog.
FerrariCake 2
What the hell does China have to do with a dog crapping out baby Jesus? Unless the Jesus statue was made in China, which is very possible.
psychoxxxinvader 3
All you stupid douchebags saying: "Oh what a religious freak, setting up a mini nativity! Ha!" Shut the **** up! Its Christmas and she wants to be FESTIVE! Stop being whiney bitches and I don't care if you're an Athiest, its fine if you don't believe in God, but why don't you accept the fact that some people DO. So, respect her beliefs, respect the fact that she chose Cristianity, because we ALL have the right to choose. Theres really no need to bring religion into it in the FIRST PLACE.
Sarcastic_Lady 0
I agree completely.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
I agree with you too. Jerks like that are disgusting with their belief that only their choice is valid and if anyone else has a choice they disagree with, they must be humiliated. And they attack religion because they assume religious people would do precisely that, trying to impose a choice, without seeing the irony of the fact that they themselves are the ones acting like others have no right to choose.
InsomniaCafe 11
How on earth is a nativity scene considered an idol? OP didn't worship it.
InsomniaCafe 11
There are a lot of anti-Christians on this board! Why should she not set up a nativity scene around Christmastime? If her dog had gnawed on a candle from the menorah, would you have said "YDI for being Jewish"? What gives?
myfriend_youfail 3
Most schools just let out for winter break. Thus, all the prepubescent and pubescent trolls gigglesnort, pick their noses (or **********, depending on the age), and log onto fmylife.com and Facebook to post inflammatory messages of bigotry and hate, just for the lulz. Get used to it...the quality of every public forum is going to go down until the kiddies are back in school.
Ascaryrobot 0
The **** does baby Jesus in a manger have to do with Christmas nowadays anyway? YDI for believing Christmas still belongs to the Christians.
minitrini_89 0
Actually, retard, Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus (and yes, I know he wasn't actually born at that time, but that's when the birth is celebrated). Just because some people choose to believe in Jesus doesn't give you the right to insult them like that, just like a Christian shouldn't randomly insult an athiest. If you don't like the birthday boy, don't come to the party.
myfriend_youfail 3
Sadly, the Asshole! Troll has a point. Christmas has become so commercialized, people tend to forget what it's truly celebrating.
Chuzza 2
Well, Christmas was originally a pagan festival as was Easter. So it's original point was not to celebrate Jesus' birth.
PatRme 9
ok, well the society has changed every other holiday. st. patrick's day: celebration of clovers. Easter: spring break. (st.) valentines day: hearts day. all souls day: holloween. get my point?
ILoveMyLifeSoMuc 0
thats a bad sign...
The__Redneck 7
The FML is the loss of faith..... Not faith in Jesus, which I'm glad OP holds, but the faith in humanity we lose from seeing how many people find spewing anti-Christian bigotry to be amusing.
PSyesinthatway 0
why the timeline