Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
Today, to try to have a less depressing Christmas, I've put up a small tree in my apartment and wrapped some presents for myself. I woke from a nap to the sound of my cat vomiting. What did she throw up on? The presents. FML
Today, we spent hours decorating the Christmas tree, perfectly balancing the lights, ornaments, and tinsel. Ten minutes later, the cat thought it was a right time to reenact Die Hard and climbed up the tree, knocking it over. Now my ornaments are shattered, and my cat is smugly sitting in the wreckage. FML
Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML
Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML
Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML
Today, I punished my new dog for taking a shit inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML
Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML
Today, after I spent nearly three hours building an igloo, my dog decided it would be a nice to enter it and take a shit. FML
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Top comments
CallMeHush 1
In three days he will return to you... where have I read that before?
Psychopauser 0
Not a FML more like a FJesusFigureLife
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Comments (114)
Psychopauser 0
Not a FML more like a FJesusFigureLife
dcbog123 0
hahaha...christians....
voodootrucker 0
ydi baby Jesus doesn't go in nativity until Christmas
michael32123 0
**** Jesus he ain't comin back and he never will "oh my accept Jesus and your life will ******* rule!!" no it won't. plenty of those hobos on the alley streets askin for money accepted Jesus and look at them. Jesus won't do shit for ur life
PatRme 9
its sad this had to turn into a religous debate......their is no respect on this site........
RachelBerry_fml 5
i knowz :( im jewish so everything is a debate with me and friends and religon . ( im the only jewish frend)
jawesome91 0
alliewillie 22
oh boohoo my dog ate a piece of something and it's going to come out just fine. my life is so f*cked. my dog has had 3 major surgeries to remove shit he shouldn't be eating. f*ck that.
fm_lover364 1
and you just don't go around bashing any religion just because you don't believe in it. what an asshole.
untoldfame 3
i guess that makes it a brown christmas?
Tatertotz515 0
eww
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Well, Christianity does base some of its foundations on eating from the body of Christ...
meaganliz 0
Pssst, your ignorance is showing.
sweetbitchx 0
lol^
Flounder 2
Don't get a cat, just lose the mythological beliefs.
cherrycherryboom_fml 0
its not a mythical belief stupid.
monkeybanana 7
youre stupid
athena3100 9
Yes because there is some great creater of life just up in the sky. Yeah so true... /sarcasm
xNephilim 19
Nobody knows where heaven is. Just saying. Also, even modern scientists are promoting a theory called Intelligent Design. They basically say that there most likely is some sort of intelligent creator who made the earth as it is.
dudeitsdanny 10
So your dog's an atheist.. I'd be proud to have an atheist dog. It shows superior intelligence. Even if it's to its owner ;D
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Dude, attempting communion does NOT make the dog an atheist, quite the opposite. XD
threer 30
No, not really. Religion doesn't determine intelligence. You would know this if you weren't so ignorant. Why can't we accept everyone else's beliefs?
Dr_Awesome654 24
I don't think a dog can even be theistic...
CallMeHush 1
In three days he will return to you... where have I read that before?
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
That was going to be my next post... nice.
MRSFMYLIFE 9
HAHAHAA NICE
Ilovelife07 0
how is this an fml?? omg my dog ate something
nazooer 11
How are you so stupid that??... Yea i have to witty remarks you're just stupid.
Schalmer 0
we all thank you for the impeccable grammar displayed in your comment.
thinmint 0
Don't be a hater just bc you have nothing to beleive in. OP that is gross for you.
badlogo 0
Just buy another one.
myfriend_youfail 3
And this is why you always keep small objects out of the reach of children and pets. YDI for not putting the nativity scene somewhere your dog couldn't munch on it. You're lucky it didn't get stuck in the poor beast's throat. And since I really am THAT bored... Helpful Holiday Tips for Pet Owners 1. Don't put tinsel on your trees. Cats and dogs can eat it and get the tinsel coiled up in their guts, or choke on it. 2. Don't decorate lower branches with fragile ornaments. Pets running by or jumping on the tree can break them. For that matter, don't put fragile ornaments anywhere on your tree if you have a cat that hasn't been de-clawed. Tree-climbing happens. Chaos ensues. I've seen it happen. 3. Keep any small figurines or free-standing ornaments on a table or shelf your pet cannot access. Choking hazard. It's that simple. 4. If your pet tends to scratch around or damage pillows and other furniture items, chances are they'll go and eat or unwrap the presents, so don't leave packages unattended under the tree. 5. Don't leave out anything that smells like natural mint if you have a cat. Your cat will most likely mistake it for catnip and go batshit crazy trying to get at it. Yes, I learned this lesson the hard way. 6. Only use regular water in your tree stand or bucket. No bleach or additives to make the tree last longer if you have pets. Fido and Mr. Mittens can (and probably will) try to drink it.
pancakes_n_syrup 0
Or train your pet. Problem solved.
myfriend_youfail 3
Even trained animals can get into trouble sometimes...they're not perfect little angels just because they graduated obedience school.
myfriend_youfail 3
Holiday Tip #7 Do not let your pet dinosaur eat any metallic wrapping paper. It will start to poop glitter the next day. Hope I helped! :D
temescal 0
They are if they were the valedictorian at obedience school.
fightingkittens 39
WTF??