Take the L

Today, I got a text from my mom that said, "Your dad and I are so proud of you." Sweet, right? It was meant for my brother. FML

Crossed wires

Today, I sent a romantic, flirty text to my boyfriend. A few minutes later, I got a reply from… my mom, saying, “I don’t think this was meant for me, but thanks for making my day awkward.” FML

Today, I wrote a text to the guy I've had a crush on for two years. I typed "hey" and put my phone down, not ready to send it. A little while later, I heard it buzz. The reply said "Um... what?" Apparently my sister had added "I'm a shitty prostitute" to my text and sent it. FML

Today, I got a message from my brother on Facebook that read, "They're watching you." This wouldn't have been such a big deal if he hadn't been dead for two years. FML

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

Today, I texted my brother saying, "Always remember I love you! Never forget it!" to which he replied, "You better not be doing drugs." FML

Am I a joke to you?

Today, I received a wedding invitation. It was from my ex-girlfriend, who left me for my brother. FML

Stolen valor

Today, I got a text from my mom that said, “I’m so proud of you!” I immediately replied, “Thanks, Mom!” Then I realized it was meant for my sister, and my mom had accidentally texted me instead of her. FML

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex-husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex-father in law. FML

Today, I was told I have a brother… By a stranger in a parking lot, while leaving my grandfather's wake. FML