You snooze, you lose

Today, my daughter has spent the last few hours moaning that the boy she’s known since they were 4 years-old got a girlfriend instead of asking her out. She’s known him for almost 20 years. If she liked him all that time, she should have asked him out herself instead of moaning at me. FML

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

Today, I found out my daughter has a higher paid job in the same company I work in. I also found out she is dating my boss. FML

Are you my new mommy?

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of six years has a five year-old daughter. FML

Today, my daughter got engaged. Her fiancé is not only 25 years older than her, but was her teacher in middle school. FML

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

Mommy's best boy

Today, I realized that my mom has not had a date, or had sex, in 50 years. I've become her 'Husband-Son'. FML

Today, I found out that my daughter not only has a boyfriend, but that they're trying for a baby. She's barely 15. FML