Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was under the impression that my kids would eventually grow out of wanting to watch me use the bathroom. Instead, my 7 year-old son attempted to pick the lock so he could watch me take a shit and make fun of me for it. FML
Today, I had explosive diarrhea. I got off the toilet to change my 3 year-old's poopy diaper. He was being stubborn, so I was going to go back to the toilet, which is when he laid down. I thought I could do it. I couldn't. He ran around diaperless as I ran back to the toilet with liquid shit running down my leg. FML
Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML
Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML
Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my one-year old. I had no idea he could reach the lock until he opened the door and ran out. In my haste to catch him, I not only peed all over my pants that were still around my ankles, I faceplanted on the nasty, moist bathroom floor. FML
Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
arabianhorse1234 0
Close/lock the door maybe?
bittersweets 2
word. put it in a safe place and go shit alone. if you let your baby get what it wants every time you're going to have some hard years in front of you...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (226)
frrl 0
just wait... let me know how its going when the baby turns fourteen months ..lol that's when there is no privacy, and they are curious about everything.
bntilley 2
My now 14 month old did that. now that he's walking, he walks away and finds something to get into. I will never get to shit on peace again!!
DaniLand 0
So you just let your 9 month old roam while you're taking a dump? What is this?The outback? Where the deer and the babies all roam? YDI for not making use of this little thing called a playpen ....or your wife:)
Katy0_0 0
ever heard of closing the door?
chanicol 2
welcome to parenthood, wait til he/she starts eating. your last bite of every meal for years will be sacrificed to the can I have a bite q.
cinthiaVI 0
The end of your privacy ended when that baby was born
Narwhal234 6
Lucky. My dog busts open the bathroom door every time I'm using it, so I get up off the toilet about 5 times to let my puppy come in and out of it.
jsprackman 11
Thats probaly worse then when your taking a dump or even a piss and the dog comes in and starts lickin your leg...
irritatedone 5
It won't last forever. My 9 month old is now 19 years old and moving out. Enjoy every moment you have with your kids because its all over sooner than you think.
sweethyegirl 8
aww my baby cousin was like that too ..except he followed me everywhere lol