Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML
Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the third time." I had no idea. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML
Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML
Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes, or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML
Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML
Today, I was visiting friends in the country, and the property next to theirs has cows. Bored, I walked over to the fence and looked at a cow, who trundled over to the other side of the fence. I then saw the farmer staring at me and for some reason I said, "Just saying hi to your cow!" FML
Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML
Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML
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Top comments
shrimpygymnast 9
call her a cow. thats an insult from where i am from in england
Fiskerz 0
Pretty sure it's a insult everywhere.. Go to the gym!
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Comments (233)
shrimpygymnast 9
call her a cow. thats an insult from where i am from in england
Fiskerz 0
Pretty sure it's a insult everywhere.. Go to the gym!
margie2194 12
Mom-1 OP-0 Ouch.
MrBoredGuy 1
But cows are such beautiful, majestic creatures, and they give is milk and cheese.
ThisIsMyReign 4
16 ppl must have been abducted and mistaken for a cow
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Be proud, OP. Cows are cute and useful. Sounds like a compliment to me.
The_Troller 14
19- We already see enough of "those" comments on YouTube
ThisIsMyReign 4
I know but it was the first thing to come to my mind besides a pun
The_Troller 14
I know, I'm just joking.
ThisIsMyReign 4
well diddly di dam you got me haha
enonymous 9
Make that 17 likes now
silentbutfunny 0
Thisismyreign, you do realize that your comments are getting thumbed down for a reason right?
fthislyfe 22
20: You're a big cute useful cow!
ThisIsMyReign 4
65 - you kno yours are also but it's all good it's a website
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Why thank you, 68. I'm happy you can put our differences aside and compliment me so sincerely!
MonsterSlayer13 5
:( well...that isn't what mothers say.... I feel bad for you...
e077 15
Maybe not in India cows are Gods to them.
6joe9 0
Just post her real age on her wall that will piss her off. And you'll get you revenge.
shanemaximo 7
Eat field mushrooms and poison her with your milk!
lastsinglepanda 16
Your Indian right?
KeyboardWarrior 10
65, you go on and on about how smart you are and how you like to correct people, but when you get corrected you tell people that it doesn't matter, you don't rate intelligence based on spelling/grammar etc. So how do you rate it? Because that pretty much defines it. If you can't get your point across intelligently then you might as well stay quiet, instead of having people think of you as a hypocrite and a fool.
nonamericandolla 6
That's so sad for a mother to say it to her own kid...
Cynical_in_SK 6
Yes...milk and cheese, but they also give us steak! Mmm...steak. Excuse me now...I'm heading out to the nearest steakhouse. :)
TurdxBurglar 0
And beef
BrickWalls 2
Let's Hope you were a spotted cow :)
Kara_rated 5
Doesn't matter if cows are cute and useful if that's not what her mom meant. Pretty sure it wasn't a compliment.
YtotsDI 0
16 and burgers :3
urdirtyolduncle 15
16 aliens seem to agree with OP's mother.
desireev 18
131- I'm sure the mother was just kidding. My Mom used to tease me about being so skinny-mini and tell me that I was the founder of the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Comitee. And since I've had my son, she teases me by calling me a "shit-brick-house" and "Big-Booty-Judy" and stuff like that. I am 99.999% sure OPs Mom was just kidding.
Kara_rated 5
154- Yeah, I'm sure she was kidding, I wasn't saying she wasn't, its just someone said something about taking it as a compliment, but you can't take something as a compliment if the person meant it to be insulting.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
OP deserves it. I hate it when people post statutes that are as ridiculous as "kidnap me for the day" and all that bull crap. It's stupid.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Uhhh #160, Where did you got that OP is a goverment official? I'm pretty sure citizens can't post statutes of their own. Your comment was useless...
GovernorGeneral 8
166- what in the name of cheese are you talking about!?
sadistmonkey 19
KeyboardWarrior - I looked up the word "intelligence" in several dictionaries and funny enough, none of them say ANYTHING about spelling/grammar. Webster defines it as "the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations". Spelling/grammar may be an aspect of intelligence but it in no way defines it.
KeyboardWarrior 10
176 But see what you did there? You got your point across by typing like an 'intelligent' human being. That's what I mean. If you gave me the definition of another word claiming it to be the definition of intelligence, I would call you out on it. And if you were to say "oh it doesn't matter, I'm still smart" it would mean you are not only a hypocrite, but a fool. My point is, why half ass it? If shes as smart as she claims, she should at least look the part. You know, talk the talk and walk the walk.
KeyboardWarrior 10
And quite frankly I don't like being corrected by someone with 10+ spelling and grammar errors in their profile (silentbutfunny). It doesn't make her look smart, but either really stupid or really arrogant.
tnlander 20
And taste good with A-1
naddification 7
Cows are sacred in India.
PinkElephants713 6
87- And yet, "HA HA" You know…from your picture :P hehe well not that it REALLY is HA HA but yeah... Never mind! Lol
zinoxity 23
Aliens.jpg Meme reference.
puppypuncher 5
If you say "meme reference" it defeats the purpose of a meme.
puppypuncher 5
I see what you did there. Meme reference
wironandine 8
Wut I don't speak nerd
godlike1 5
Wut I don't speak ginger
GoW_Chick 15
I can understand how you wouldn't speak Ginger, Gaelic is a tough language to master...
Person1233 13
Memes: You're doing it wrong.
GoW_Chick 15
We all know we have to keep using Meme references, or domo-kun will get you, just ask a ninja. :)
YDIomg 9
109-- I don't always thumb down comments. But when I do, it's because you insulted memes.
The_Troller 14
Y U NO STOP ARGUING ALREADY?
GovernorGeneral 8
This is so sad D:
GovernorGeneral 8
I mainly said that^ to go with my picture xD #2s picture looks like gazelle or however you spell it from tvo kids o_o
The_Troller 14
Wait... three people have meme-related profile pictures all in a row, on a thread related to memes...? ALIENS
ShutUpAndStare 7
Thread dying? Not on my watch. >:{
DidUrMom_Twice 6
Ya ask me
YayFlameWarz 9
Your mom was really yanking your udders(sp?)
uncleturtle 0
This all seems like a big moosunderstanding to me.
L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18
How cow-d she say that to her own daughter... Oh god, that was a horrible pun. -.-
tanneriscool 2
Bahahaha.. Ohh man. This Fml gave me the giggles.
Blueglasscup 18
10 points for originality!
rattusrattus 19
-10 points for failure of alien folklore. Aliens MUTILATE cattle. They abduct PEOPLE. Most of the instances of aliens abducting cattle have been jokes - aliens trying to follow human ideas of UFO behavior and getting it a bit wrong.
Buttsexpirate 9
You need some milk to lessen that burn OP?
anakaren_831 1
Make sure the milk is SPF 30 though.
xbella 8
well you probably do get your looks from her ..
THE_A_TEEN 28
Tell her "I came from you. Call me a cow, LOOK AT YOURSELF. SHAME".
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Tell her your weight is genetic. Then call her a fatty.
nattynatters 14
Haha. Bob saget.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
oh, BOB SAGET!!!
The_Troller 14
[EDIT] My comment teleported. And it wouldn't make sense out of context.
tayloresawyer 5
ouch!
Pelreskovich 11
Your mom is a bitch.
Torva_fml 16
I have no clue why, but I read this is "your bitch is a mom"...... I was totally confused For about 10 seconds there.
Pelreskovich 11
Perhaps her bitch is a mom?
GoW_Chick 15
Aww OP's dog had puppies, adorable! Can I have one?
salyeldin 4
OP is probably offended by now lol
KiddNYC1O 22
You guys are starting to sound like Nicki Minaj.
desireev 18
94- I am sensing that you feel the same way I do about Nicki Minaj. Get on YouTube and look up "What Nicki Minaj wants in a man", posted by Jenna Marbles. I swear you will fall out of your chair laughing! Let me know how you enjoyed it. Jenna Marbles is an absolutely hilarious blogger. After you watch her video, you should subscribe to her vlog.
ToriIsOSoSexii 0
Your ugly and yes he is.