Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML
Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
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Top comments
donutboy 0
"Wanna ride my mommy's new penis?" XD
BLNovelist 0
Gotta love children's pronunciations. :o
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Comments (95)
mohit88 0
Rofl
LondonKitsch 0
If you're gonna fake a FML be creative about it. I've seen this fml twice once with the protitute confusion and once with the lesbian one. So **** you OP. YDI times 10.
kellster 2
How the hell was that any of the babysitter's business, regardless? Whether it was a Prius or a penis you got, that's your business!
safirestar09 0
There is more than one child out there who has mispronunced things. Goodness, like this is the first child in the universe to ever actually say something wrong.
El_Pwnzor 0
These are SOOO repetative... Today, I picked up my kid, ____, from ______. I just (Got or did) _____, and told her. Apparently, she told everyone that her ___ (got a/was a) _____ That's how they all go!
ohyeah55 0
okay Nightfallz how does prius not sound like penis? I'm sorry you have a speech impetiment. SIK07GTSTANG, most toyota's are made in america now it's alright you can come back from wwII, it wont hurt. Plus have you considered that most american auto company's are going under right now and because of that your welfare check is less now. Way to be complete douche bags!
willothwisp 0
Actually the Prius is made in Japan, but other vehicles from Toyota are made in the US.
Kupokupupo 0
hahaha... i actually lol-ed
knobby1 0
haha serves you right for getting a prius. You know that over the course of a lifetime, a porsche 911 turbo is more economical than a prius cos of the batteries and stuff? plus the new porsches only use 9.2l/100km, compared to about 6 or 7 from a prius
_musical_addict_ 0
wow people it's just a car I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with hating on priuses. Or any car for that matter. I think it's kind of a little stupid but whatever...
deepdiver999 0
oh man that just makes you want to slap yourself because sometimes I just avoid saying some things around my 4 year old cousin because sometimes she doesn't hear the word right if you know what I mean