Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML
Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
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Top comments
donutboy 0
"Wanna ride my mommy's new penis?" XD
BLNovelist 0
Gotta love children's pronunciations. :o
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Comments (95)
BigRedMan 0
Both are small I'm sure
tpt09 0
YDI for owning a prius what are you gay? go buy a bentley or something they look good in the enviroment so it all works out!!
Unlucky_Gun 0
Just because someone owns a type of car you don't like doesn't make them gay moron. If you can't make any sense or have any class, then don't insult people. In fact, just don't talk at all. Save yourself the embarrassment of making yourself look dumb. And don't tell OP to get a Bentley because I doubt you have one because you're probably too poor to afford one. I'm not a big fan of Priuses but I don't go bashing people that drive them about it because no one cares if you like their car, your opinion won't make them change. Plus, I'm pretty sure a Prius is better than your old Pontiac Grand Am A.K.A Pontiac Crapwagon
Shyman4ever 0
So many kids FAIL these days
fiicere 5
HAHAHAHA) That's hillarious. Look on the bright side, it'll be a great story to tell :)
Nightfallz 0
ydi for the following prius in no way sounds like penis even if a kid says it. to fill you in your a queer.
baller789 0
YDI for having children u fcking whorebag bitch ************
voodootrucker 0
what kind of mpg are you getting on the new penis
perle_noire 0
Well, someone's moody today. Anyways, this isn't really an FML, it's more like "my-daughter's-really-cute-and-can't-say-some-words-correctly".
simplyfucked 0
its good at thrusting and has a nice stick shifter..
mrloferski 0
too bad american cars suck dick. id never waste my money on one. doesnt mean i hate my country.
willothwisp 0
Real Americans vote and have differing opinions. Being an American does not mean blindly following anything that is American, be it a car company or a president.
Epiphany1882 0
LOL xD
safirestar09 0
Actually Prius and penis sound alike. At least to my ears, they do. Oh well, I guess that's just me.
SIK07GTSTANG 0
You deserve it for buying a Jap car. Real Americans buy domestic.
jz4 0
YDI for getting a pirus
DenElite 0
Just be glad you didn't get an xBox too