Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML
Today, I went to pick up my daughter from preschool. When I got there, I ran to give her a hug. She screamed and ran away. FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML
Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML
Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML
Today, I picked up my four year old son from daycare. As I was putting him in his car seat, I asked him if he had fun. He yelled, "Shut it, bitch!" FML
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Top comments
donutboy 0
"Wanna ride my mommy's new penis?" XD
BLNovelist 0
Gotta love children's pronunciations. :o
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Comments (95)
cerealjunkie0 0
..
yeahsurre 0
umm.. ok.
iKaite 0
Better then her singing 'Pappas got a brand new VAG.' Instead of Bag, like what my little cousin did.
Munkee 6
This seems more likely as a typing error than a mispronunciation, since vag and bag sound nothing alike if you say it out loud, assuming the 'vag' your talking about is short for ****** then it would sound like it ends in a J, not G, unlike bag. I usually hate it when people get all technical like this but I don't buy your story. xD
iKaite 0
Its a song, my uncle was singing, go google it then get back to me and call me a liar, mmmkay?
Munkee 6
Ah, I see. Sorry I don't Google everything I see on FML, it just kind of bothered me.
adelaide_evening 0
Why is it any of the babysitters business even if you did get a sex change?
fearinabottle 0
lol i think its cute. one time when i was little i told everyone i saw in kmart that my daddy had a penis. which was true but he was really embarassed
plexico 4
I drive a 2005 Prius. Great car! You have to master the Pulse and Glide technique for two reasons: 1) You can get more that 100 mpg when you drive that way and, 2) Your daughter can go around saying, "My mom can pulse and glide her new penis!" We'll be waiting for that FML.
shamille 5
wow. you better be glad she didn't say that to your husband/boyfriend (if you have one)
aback 5
Did she happen to tell everybody what you did with the old one?
rawrchimichangas 0
i don't see how it sucks to have a pruis... incase you didn't know, they are actually good for the earth (not that any car is good for the earth, but they're better for it)... just cause they don't go 200 km/hour doesn't mean it's not a bad car. anyways, fyl. kids will be kids though.
Brooklynxman 0
Yes it does. H1 Hummer 4eva. My cousin owns a Prius. They're........okay. But when you hear one go by on the highway........gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggaaaay. And when it idles.....homohomohomohomohomohomo. (Jeff Dunham love)
ZaneAnTy 0
this coming from a person with a Justin beiber picture. FYL for that
phiyama 0
good for the earth? the amount of pollution created by making the car in the factories is waayyy higher than say a prius. if you want to be "green" while driving, get a clean diesel... you won't regret it.
phiyama 0
good for the earth? the amount of pollution created by making the car in the factories is waayyy higher than say a prius. if you want to be "green" while driving, get a clean diesel... you won't regret it.
KestrelGirl 15
Comment is funny, profile pic is retarded.
synchroskater16 12
I have a Prius and usually IM the one running people down on the road.
Thoureau 0
Janie's got a gun! :)