Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke, and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML
Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML
Today, I noticed a random dark spot on my skin around my groin area. Fearing that it was possibly melanoma, even though I don't really go outside a lot, I made a mad dash to the doctor. Apparently it's just a fucked-up stretch mark, and is perfectly normal. Nice thing to have a panic attack over. Good job, brain. FML
Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML
Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
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Top comments
rememberPOGS 2
I wonder how many times you have slapped the shit out of yourself trying to get it off you lol...
Vacant 7
Haha, why is this in intimacy?
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Comments (62)
rubberduckie94 13
Is it a requirement to be afraid of spiders to be on fml? Sorry op, but if I would have saw you I would have laughed so hard.
rubberduckie94 13
*i laugh at everyone, including myself when I see or do things like this, which is often.
RedPillSucks 33
*would have seen* -Grammar Nazi in training-
rubberduckie94 13
Thank you for not being mean when you corrected me. That is the only thing I don't like about grammar nazis. If more were like you we would learn from what we did wrong instead of feeling insulted. : ).
desireev 18
Thanks 27 and 38! It's nice to not see any brutality going on yet! Seeing how both of you handled that made me happy! No Drama! :)
DocBastard 40
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey. A spider was bolder and sat on her shoulder And scared her the **** away.
DocBastard 40
Eating* Dammit.
Squishypenguin 0
I love you
ZiivaZephyr 6
How long did it take you to come up with that one? Lol
PicklesMcRaptor 0
Well isn't that a.. heheh.. STICKY situation! (It's not supposed to make sense.)
MissMae93 23
If it's not supposed to make sense, why did you post it?
PInK_ExCiTeD 7
How is that a sticky situation?
redbluegreen 41
I do the same thing but it's not limited to birthmarks. I always mistake new freckles on my arms or legs as bugs too.
RedPillSucks 33
Welcome back, RBG
micahsmommy 13
And then what happened? I feel like I'm missing the part of the story where it gets interesting...
Heinousness 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You should remove that.
chels1994 11
It's okay, every time I see something small really quickly I assume it's a spider... mini heart attack right away
christinnaaa 10
cuz no body like you when your 23 (:
JuuChan 3
Time for laser removal =D
swagerific 0
well..did you get it?