Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML
Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML
Today, I overheard my mom talking to a friend on the phone. What caught my attention was when she said, "You ever look at your kid and just think... 'Fuck. Where'd I go wrong?'" FML
Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML
Today, my husband more or less said to our daughter, "I just met an old friend, he has a son you should marry because my old friend is really rich.” It’s been an hour and he’s cowering in his chair because our daughter is still yelling at him, and it serves him right, but now I have a headache from the noise. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML
Today, I was telling my dad how I turned down some guy, but when I mentioned the guy's name my dad was like, “Oh, you mean the son of my old friend, studying computer engineering, genius, real future ahead of him, and you think you can do better than him? What’s wrong with you?” FML
Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML
Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
xshyguyx 0
Well, at least you succeeded in one thing in your life- being the bad example
mannix_fml 0
Punch her. And if it comes to it, punch the kids.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (60)
xshyguyx 0
Well, at least you succeeded in one thing in your life- being the bad example
The_Pleb 0
Simple concept of life ------------- If no one is bad, no one is good.
perdix 31
We bad examples prefer the more politically correct term "cautionary tale." ;) You have to be sensitive when you label losers -- not many "winners" go on shooting rampages.
TheHeroOfTime 0
Simple concept of how retarded you are -- meaningful quotes on fmylife are lame
Reyo 2
Been stuck in that situation before. That's when you pop out and say "Hi, I'm Matt. You should listen to your father. I'd much rathor be a raging success like he is. Oh, by the way, find your own damn ride to the airport. I just realized I'm too much of a failure to take you." (waits for "you such a looser" comnments) PS, I was lucky. He had to leave for an important business trip in 3 hours. Just get creative.
The_Pleb 0
**** you, its not my fault i lead a meaningful life unlike you Now go to bed
Reyo 2
Actually, 41, the reason he needed a ride was that his car was in the shop getting his brand new transmission installed, considering the last up and stopped working. Safe tuh say...DAT NIGGUH BROKE! He gave me the guilt trip by saying "My car's in the shop!" and I just said "Why don't you fix it with all your success?" "I am" "Good, looks like my job here is done. See ya Thursday!"
Muwahaha_fml 4
I don't understand. Whered the airport come from?
x0stormbringer 0
thats teriible -_-
hoschiadedodi 0
nah, he deserved it for not paying attention in school
mushoo_fml 0
Actually, he deserved it for writing "Hi, I'm Matt" in his FML and then posting it as Anonymous.
Gizmo3K 0
So? My name isn't really Gizmo, what's your point?
lexi_cacao 0
that was utterly tactless... what exactly do you do? or not do?
deaditegirl 0
Well, are you a failure in life?
birds_fml 7
Exactly what I came in here to say. Maybe the mother's a lawyer or something and thinks that any other job beneath that is a "failure," or maybe he's an alcoholic who lives with his mom and doesn't have a job and really IS a failure.
perdix 31
Matt Foley? Are you thrice divorced? And do you live in a van down by the river?
kariface 0
It's actually a Geo, thankyou.
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Well, la-dee-frickin-da!
The_Pleb 0
perdix get your girlfriend to make you a sammich and stop posting gayfish comments. thankyou
perdix 31
Gosh, The_pleb, looking at the brilliance of your comment #7 makes me want to retire. Can't do better than that! Bravo! Genius!
jinhr 2
It is awesome to be a role model of kids!
allmidnighteyes 11
Hey there, Matt!
mannix_fml 0
Punch her. And if it comes to it, punch the kids.
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Hi Matt. Operation: Do Best Friend's Wife needs to go into effect. And you do her good Matty, you do her good! So after she sucks you off, ask her "How does failures taste like bitch!?" Worry not, your best friend will understand.