Today, I overheard my best friend's wife telling their kids to pay attention in school and stay focused on their goals so they don't end up a failure in life like their father's friend, Matt. Hi, my name is Matt and I'm the friend. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML
Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML
Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML
Today, I overheard my mom talking to a friend on the phone. What caught my attention was when she said, "You ever look at your kid and just think... 'Fuck. Where'd I go wrong?'" FML
Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML
Today, my husband more or less said to our daughter, "I just met an old friend, he has a son you should marry because my old friend is really rich.” It’s been an hour and he’s cowering in his chair because our daughter is still yelling at him, and it serves him right, but now I have a headache from the noise. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML
Today, I was telling my dad how I turned down some guy, but when I mentioned the guy's name my dad was like, “Oh, you mean the son of my old friend, studying computer engineering, genius, real future ahead of him, and you think you can do better than him? What’s wrong with you?” FML
Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML
Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML
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Top comments
xshyguyx 0
Well, at least you succeeded in one thing in your life- being the bad example
mannix_fml 0
Punch her. And if it comes to it, punch the kids.
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Comments (60)
CallMeHush 1
WOW, Brutal. Now take an honest look and if she isn't a raging bitch that needs a kick in the slot, do something about it.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
Good thinking, posting as anonymous, Matt :-)
perdix 31
Anal Lana, the pumpkin-carving girl, also submitted as Anonymous. Good catch!
alexandraa_fml 0
Here you are according to Urbandictionary, ahem.. 1.Anything in the english language that can possibly be an insult to anyone who has ever existed in the history of the universe. If you were to call someone a matt that would be like all the worst words in the world put into one. 2.A fatshit who all he does is sit down at his home and paint, cry, and or eat. Brandon: "Hey asshole **** your mom" Mitch: "**** you MATT!" Brandon: *(cries)* 1.A guy with no arms or legs laying in front of your door. Look at my matt. "That guy has no limbs!" "Oh yeah,.. thats matt."
matt0794 1
Actually, last I checked "Matt" in urbandictionary is something like a sex god. I checked because my mine is..similar..(;
alexandraa_fml 0
Just reinforcing that he was 'the friend' that his best friends wife was referring to I guess?
YDI_4_breathing 0
ydi for being a failure
Mx_Rider 6
number 23 id **** ur mouth all day everyday get straight to it like theres nothing to it
GalaxyShots 21
You're 12, that's inappropriate. Stop.
daniel1_1 13
wow ur life sucks balls
956TXking 0
if it's true gtfo and get a life
crumsnatcha 4
What a bitch. It's time to teach those kids a trick from Family Guy- "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mama, mama, mama, ma, ma, ma..."
sammy6597 0
#32 LMAO YEAH :D