Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML
Today, I introduced the girl I was talking to my best friend, and we all hung out. Until this day, her and I were doing great. After my friend left, she started gushing about how hot he is. He wasn't hitting on her at all. I reminded her that, and that he has a girlfriend. She was calm, but visibly upset. FML
Today, I was at a friend's house; she left the room for a few minutes. Her dad then put me in a headlock and told me that I'd, "better treat his daughter right if I ever wanted to walk again," because she's in love with me. I'm a gay guy, and she knows. FML
Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML
Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML
Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend introduced me to her best male friend, a creepy "Nice Guy" type. When she went to the bathroom, he came closer to me and said, "She thinks she likes you, but I'm destined to be with her, I saw it in the stars. Nobody can love her like me." FML
Today, I learned that my best friend has been cheating on his girlfriend for 2 months. This is the same person who, 2 months ago, wanted to break our friendship off because he thought we "got too close" and felt like he was cheating on his girlfriend by spending too much time with me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, my supposed "best friend" started going out with the girl I'd just split up with, immediately after she said she wanted to see other people. FML
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Top comments
hard_candy 25
someone sounds very insecure.
ComoEsJuan 24
Such sharp words from a psycho.
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Comments (119)
mommy2cassidy 18
I agree with you #51. My fiance is my best friend and I am his so I guess I don't have to worry about that. I have pretty much become friends with his friends though and they actually respect me so they won't cross any boundaries.
Razell 13
Would he believe you if you told him he's dating a potential bunny-boiler? All I can say is that your best bet is to return aggression for aggression (but you have to do this as soon as she makes the threat - can't do it later): level look, "If you ever hurt him, no one will ever find your body" type stuff. Then when she whines to him about how you threatened her (because she will), you nonchalantly say, "Well she threatened to cut me if I touched you, so I figured fair was fair." You assuring her that you have no romantic interest in him will only increase her paranoia. Treat her like the aggressive 6-year-old she's imitating.
Hash13 13
Did you, in her presence, try to get close to him after that ?
sullivankeara 25
Haha she obviously doesn't measure up to you.
DeathBunny8 9
Tell him what was said to you, but do not push for them to separate because that'll make it seem like you're just trying to sabotage the relationship. Tell him then back off and let him process it.
IvyRizzzzoli 25
Tell that bitch to get back in her place.
GxReaperGx 11
I'm sorry, but I was expecting something very different when you said she followed you to the bathroom.
amazinghermit 14
I agree with everyone. You gotta tell this guy. Insecurity in the first month is signs of a crazy chick a few months down the line. I wonder how many others got this speech?
jen1097 25
I lost my best friend bc his girlfriend is a crazy bitch
BitchWilderness 11
wait... why did she say this to u? r u like a ... ?? I don't knw man...