Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 3-year-old son decided to pull down his pants and pee outside as our local city's parade had just started marching down the street. FML
Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML
Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, all while sending blood down my horn. FML
Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML
Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML
Today, I was at the park and needed to take a piss really badly. I opened my car door and stood to pee, but good old Mother Nature ran by and the wind blew it all into my car. My entire driver side smells like pee. FML
Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML
Today, I was at a pool party with my friends. I really had to pass gas so I moved a bit from the group and let it rip. Instead of bubbles surfacing a brown cloud of poo rose instead. FML
Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML
Today, I was giving a speech at my best friend’s wedding. Mid-speech, I felt something was off. I looked down and realized I had a huge stain on my trousers. Not just a small stain, but a whole wet patch from crotch to knee. I had to finish the speech with one hand covering it. I later sniffed it, it was only champagne, but still… FML
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Top comments
wildcats909 9
If your city's parade and drinking celebrations were anything like mine - you definitely weren't the only one that pissed your pants
bjhhjh 20
Just blame it on being drunk! St patricks day eh!
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Comments (78)
Brianna_Ray 23
Sureeee it was spit and not piss ;P
Darkblade21 20
Learn how to empty your spit valve, maybe? I can't imagine a scenario where this could be a legitimate issue.
chinaski7628 32
Reread the FML. Apparently there was an issue.
TwoAnimation 5
What were you playing?!? Mellophone?
DalekBubbles 18
Trombone. I know because I play it.
CadentFish47 8
I play it too. The valve is all the way at the end of the slide though so how does the spit end up in your crotch region?
worldclassrager 41
I know how that is its usually best to clear them before the show and then after the show but if it was that long I can understand your logic I sure hope this wasn't or will be held over you for too long
energizerbunny23 18
That is gross in so many ways, but will always make for a great story!
davidpropert 32
"Hey, remember that time on St Patricks day when everyone thought I pissed myself?! That was hilarious!" I dont think OP would want to tell this story...
Witchylady 18
Next time don't honk your horn especially since you knew it had a problem. YDI
LisaDay 14
im guessing he was in the marching band, not just carrying around his horn for fun. i was in band in middle school and the horn section would end up emptying their spit all over themselves. Not YDI
mahughes 19
Do you play french horn the kid in band next to me leaves puddles of spit everyday.
trossi32 8
I know how you feel. I play the French Horn which produces a lot of spit. I was in a concert once and I accidentally emptied it all over the person next to me.
OhWhoCares 42
That's disgusting. :/
tweetypie 18
You must be the one 22 is talking about.
tatyta 0
Why are people who are NOT from ireland arguing about the name of an Irish Saint? Pretty sure it's not for you to decide what to call him if the name Paddy has been around for decades?
meli1195 31
Well because we've been taught all our lives from school or tv that it was Patty and no one corrected us but if someone from Ireland says it's paddy, then we stand corrected.
ziya1999 12
Ouch. That must really suck!