Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was preparing food in the microwave. I hadn't noticed that a fly had flown in until I noticed its melted corpse engraved into my hot-pocket. FML
Today, all three of my meals consisted of two Hot Pockets. FML
Today, I reheated leftover pasta at work. I forgot to crack a vent on the container and it exploded in the microwave. Sauce coated the inside, so I spent my lunch break scrubbing while coworkers waited awkwardly to heat their food. The smell is still hanging in the office air. FML
Today, as I was trying to remove my lunch from the hot oven tray, my finger brushed against the metal for a moment, and I instinctively put it in my mouth. I burnt my tongue, on my finger. I didn't realize that was possible. FML
Today, I started a new job and wanted to seem organized, so I brought a homemade lunch in a container. I went to heat it up, but forgot to remove the lid completely. The container exploded in the microwave, covering the inside with sauce. I spent my lunch break cleaning it while my coworkers smirked. FML
Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say, "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML
Today, I popped something straight out of the oven into my mouth. It burned my tongue instantly, but instead of spitting it out, I swallowed. I felt it burning all the way down. Now I can’t eat solid food or drink hot drinks. FML
Today, in a rush, I attempted to microwave leftover pizza slices. Unbeknownst to me, I accidentally hit the 'defrost' button, turning the pizza into a lukewarm soggy mess. I guess pizza should never be reheated in 'thaw mode'. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, I tried to reheat some leftover pizza in the microwave but forgot to take the plastic wrap off. The microwave filled with smoke, and the plastic melted onto the pizza. I ate burnt plastic-flavored pizza for lunch, because pizza is pizza and I couldn't bring myself to through it away. FML
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Top comments
SnazzyPotter 17
At least you didn't burn your right boob
guineagirl 18
always wait at least 30 seconds
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Comments (117)
guineagirl 18
always wait at least 30 seconds
euphoricness 28
But I want the damn hot pocket now!!
cryssycakesx3 23
and cut it in half!
oreily12 23
Even if you do wait it's still lava and frozen at the same time.
DA14573 6
No no no. It's amazing how no one has ever figured this out. Don't heat them up on high heat. Heat them for a longer time on medium heat. They cook much more evenly
StiffPvtParts 43
#64 is right. Lower the temperature and set the timer for a longer period of time :3
brolin_burrito 9
Has anyone tried doing it in a toaster oven? It's quick and usually cooks it all the way through, too!
noik01 13
No you are supposed to wait five minutes then the hot pocket will have an even temperature throughout
Tankkiller308 16
Im confused, does no one read the package directions it tells you exactly how to cook it and it turns out cooked all the way through. How hard is that?
junebug1981 3
You want to search for Jim Gaffigan - Beyond the Pale - Hot Pockets on youtube.
NiceGuysDoWin 21
"Caliente Pockets." I love Gaffigan. I've probably seen Beyond the Pale 15 times, and it cracks me up every time.
okaydisarray 17
Hooot Pockeeet.
singerlove 14
Diarrhea pocket!
WiseGuy79 14
That guy was hilarious... "Will it burn my mouth?" "Oh yes, it will destroy your mouth."
HelloooooNurse 20
"Death Pockets"
coldashell 23
"Hot lava pocket"
ptoka 20
I read all these in the light voice he normally uses... Hilarious
jkmartinjk 16
This thread is exactly what I was looking for when I read this FML.
linzy_boo 1
eat it for breakfast, eat it for lunch, and be dead by dinner.
marinegal 22
And that is why you don't eat that stuff. That and it is nasty.
Moochi456 20
Just because you do not like something does not mean everyone else will dislike it as well.
marinegal 22
taste isn't my issue. it's what it does to you that I have a problem with.
brivielle 15
well OP b optimistic u r one of the very few that will experience that in their lifetime.
lex1459 38
On the bright side at least you have a hot pocket
SnazzyPotter 17
At least you didn't burn your right boob
TheRoyalBattler 5
But even if you had a child up to age 12 could feast upon it, with a high calcium drink!
EpicSquishii 21
28- That comment was so fail. If you're going to try to be "edgy," at least make sure your sentence is intelligible. You tried too hard to be funny when you should have been focusing on not writing like a total fucktard.
Yupsies 9
It's a reference to another FML.
Tankkiller308 16
Yap, try to be less of a jerk about it next time #35
NiceGuysDoWin 21
You ate a Hot Pocket? YDI
miiapaige 14
at least he didn't make a vine about him sticking his junk in it.
erck3800 12
I don't see why this is down voted, its entirely true
squideth 18
It's downvoted because you seem like a pretentious **** for saying someone deserves pain for enjoying some food you happen to not like.
couchcat 25
I just see this as funny sarcasm. I'm sad others obviously don't
IllestRated 17
Microwaves are tricky like that.
Patty410 11
What, that they heat things up....
IllestRated 17
They don't head it completely in the designated time
Bloodcalibur 13
Maybe OP didn't use the microwave sleeve that comes with it. That's supposed to help the heating
ArtOfDesire 7
Exactly what I was thinking - I can't imagine how else you'd manage to melt the cheese and leave the center frozen if you use the microwave sleeve properly. They probably didn't even unwrap it from the plastic and just threw the whole thing in the microwave for two minutes - yep, that'll melt the cheese, but nope, it's not going to heat evenly or penetrate to the middle.
Acacia21 23
I think if they had shoved the whole thing they'd have much more than just melted cheese...
Alchemist_21 26
I hate it when hot pockets do that. I've taken to letting them thaw out a minute or two before putting them in the microwave. FYL.
lotr4 18
A hot pocket will never be perfectly cooked
gargartibold 13
Mine are. I don't know how people have so much trouble with them
TXFernwoods 26
Hot Pockets: the food from satan