Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML
Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML
Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML
Today, as I was going to check the mail, a huge dog ran into my house. The closest room with a door was the bathroom so I slammed myself inside and screamed for help. We live far from any neighbors and my phone was outside, so there was no hope of rescue. It paced outside the door for four hours. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
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Top comments
julfunky 29
Rule number one when you have dogs: do not leave your food out when you leave the room. Even if your running to the toilet, toss that plate somewhere high first.
blondie45 21
Why are you having dinner at 2am?
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Comments (14)
blondie45 21
Why are you having dinner at 2am?
toodamntall 9
OP could be a shift worker, they might have just gotten back from an event that ran late, they could be a night owl, or maybe just just forgot to have it earlier. I used to work from 3pm to midnight and wouldn't get home until 1am in the morning, so I regularly had dinner between 1 and 2 am
julfunky 29
Rule number one when you have dogs: do not leave your food out when you leave the room. Even if your running to the toilet, toss that plate somewhere high first.
Sam Siggers 8
agreed too many times have i been lazy and my dog has eaten my diiner after stepping out of my room for like 2 mins
BurnInDemonFire 39
I'll avoid the miserable route, and say YDI for not taking 5 seconds to put it out of his reach.
BigSissy 14
Sometimes when nature calls, you don’t have five seconds. Just saying.
BurnInDemonFire 39
There's always time to save the precious, pal, even if it comes at such a high risk.
RichardPencil 32
If it’s the fine fare you’re accustomed to, your dog will get the ***** before dawn.
Mungolikecandy 19
That is more an inconvenience than "no feeling quite as painful". You must have led a very sheltered life if you really believe that.
Mathalamus 25
Close. The. Door. You deserved that for being an idiot around pets.
Sady_Ct 38
Teach it not to touch feed even left un attended. My 7 yr old dog and my 9month old pup both leave the room if there is someone eating, and they don’t sneak human food. And no I didn’t have to abuse them to teach them this. It just took time, effort and patience.
Fata Morgana 1029 9
It's called training. My dog won't even touch BACON unless I tell him it's okay, even if I leave the room. Yes, I've tested this.