Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML
Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML
Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML
Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he pulled up his pants and said, "There you go." FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said, "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML
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Top comments
pjsr 33
Sucks to be you! ...Er, no, I mean sucks to be him. Well, something sucks, and sucks well, but it’s definitely not you.
taylomv0019 5
if it isnt already you should buy him a wet/dry shop vaccume
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Comments (10)
bl3ur0z3 17
Now you can sleep while he visits the vacuum cleaner.
Aiden89 23
Lmao, that’s dangerous
taylomv0019 5
if it isnt already you should buy him a wet/dry shop vaccume
themetropolitan 19
The baby will be half human, half vacuum cleaner. Wonder what that will look like...
jc1015 25
let him have at it...let's you off the hook
pjsr 33
Sucks to be you! ...Er, no, I mean sucks to be him. Well, something sucks, and sucks well, but it’s definitely not you.
RichardPencil 32
A vacuum is better? Wow, you must really suck at ... um, I need a better vocabulary.
WistayShlaio82 13
Have his friend eat you out “your best friend does it better”
BrotherPhil 35
Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
Jessica Carey 11
should've said "yeah I thought so too" then turned around and walked out