Today, I learned that my insatiable appetite and sex drive is because I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm married to a woman. We had a threesome one drunken night. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML
Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML
Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML
Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML
Today, thanks to a very intense sexual dream, I suddenly have a strong (and lustful) crush on a coworker, making me gasp every time I see them. I'm happily married. And pregnant. FML
Today, I'm 3 months pregnant and have seemingly started having sex dreams about other men. Last night, I had a passionate affair with an older man. Who was it? Joe Bastianich. FML
Today, my husband said sex is too weird because I'm pregnant with our first baby. He gets very grumpy without sex. I'm very horny with hormones. Only 6 more months. FML
Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML
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Top comments
GhostFox 34
At least it was both of you?... your wife should probably take a pregnancy test too, come to think of it. It's probably a good idea to start discussing what your options are now, because I believe that you are too far along for an abortion for anything other than life threatening medical reasons.
BurnInDemonFire 39
This is the script Judd Apatow should have used for Knocked Up.
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Comments (24)
user53658 15
I'm a bit surprised that two lesbians would engage in a threesome with a [man].
PhantomCrevan 8
Bisexual women exist, and trans women exist. Either could have contributed to the event occurring.
bgbwtp 13
I'm a bit surprised that people seem to think bisexuality isn't a thing.
IAmClay 24
I hope you guys make the responsibility choice. Whether you keep it, or get rid of it. But hey, if you keep it, you won’t need to go to a sperm bank to get pregnant
tibtak 20
Condoms, people...
onceuponatime456 16
Never heard of contraception, eh?
Zebediabolical 45
If only there were such a thing as 100% effective contraception.
HistoryHasEyes 19
There is. Its called Celbicey.
Beefy_McQueefy 6
Yooo drunk, unprotected sex? And thanks for reinforcing the attitude that if you get a les couple drunk enough, they'll get with a a dude. My wife and I only get asked every three weeks...
PhantomCrevan 8
They could have used contraceptives that failed. Also, nowhere does it say that the third wheeler is the one that initiated it, nor does it imply anywhere that the third person intentionally got OP and their wife drunk in order to coerce them into a threesome. Because if they HAD, the FML would have been the fact that both OP and their wife were raped. Which I would hope you wouldn't blame them for. Plus, nowhere does it say that OP and wife are strictly lesbians- in fact, if they willingly slept with a man, it would make them at least slightly bisexual- nor does it say that the third person was a man- meaning that they could have been a trans woman. There's also the fact that you could have all the evidence in the world that strictly lesbian couples won't just let a guy hop in their bed because they're drunk, and every guy that is scummy enough to use alcohol as a form of coercion would still believe that they are *obviously* the exception.
kidcool97 4
Bisexual people exist
DJRy 13
Ydi.
TeachAllTheMath 19
What are you guys going to do??
Arsenie Possuponko 5
You couldn’t be pregnant if you have a wife, it?should be something else to be the reason of those symptoms.
Yudith 28
Hey, at least you will have the child you would have been wanting when you're around thirty and your parents will stop the when-are-you-gonna-give-me-grandchildren questions. Yay!
Miss_Red 18
well the only thing that comes to mind is congrats to the mothers to be.