Today, I learned that my insatiable appetite and sex drive is because I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm married to a woman. We had a threesome one drunken night. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML
Today, my wife told me that when she was actually pregnant with her ex's child; she was insatiably horny and always wanted sex. Too bad for me, because the current pregnancy has made her repulsed by any sexual contact. Thanks for telling me, I guess. FML
Today, I finally found out why my husband is always so eager and happy to buy me whatever I am craving during my pregnancy. It's because it gives him an excuse to meet up with his mistress and have a quickie. FML
Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML
Today, thanks to a very intense sexual dream, I suddenly have a strong (and lustful) crush on a coworker, making me gasp every time I see them. I'm happily married. And pregnant. FML
Today, I'm 3 months pregnant and have seemingly started having sex dreams about other men. Last night, I had a passionate affair with an older man. Who was it? Joe Bastianich. FML
Today, my husband said sex is too weird because I'm pregnant with our first baby. He gets very grumpy without sex. I'm very horny with hormones. Only 6 more months. FML
Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML
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Top comments
GhostFox 34
At least it was both of you?... your wife should probably take a pregnancy test too, come to think of it. It's probably a good idea to start discussing what your options are now, because I believe that you are too far along for an abortion for anything other than life threatening medical reasons.
BurnInDemonFire 39
This is the script Judd Apatow should have used for Knocked Up.
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Comments (24)
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Apparently you had an insatiable sexual appetite five months ago, too.
ElTorro5150 4
I can fap to this.
eliteluke2000 3
I feel bad for the child who grows up knowing his/her gay mom gave birth to him and technically didn't want him/her
honestjane 22
There are plenty of kids out of straight parents that know they weren't planned or wanted either.
PhantomCrevan 8
Ever heard of the term "oops baby?" It's a baby that the person wasn't actively trying to conceive. There are way more heterosexual couples that wind up with "oops" babies than homosexual couples. So exactly what does OP being married to a woman have to do with it?
Namenlos_fml 20
You know who the father is at least. That’s a good thing