Today, I have to spend the whole day in a moving truck with my dad. He had beans for dinner, and it's too cold to crack open a window. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML
Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML
Today, I had to sit in a three-seat truck between my dad and his best friend on a 4-hour trip to Detroit. It was great, besides their incessant crude jokes and stories, including chafing ball sacks, and naming their new radio station, "Chicks With Dicks Radio." FML
Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML
Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML
Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML
Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML
Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML
Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML
Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to get him a cup of coffee and a biscuit from the convenience store. They only had sausage biscuits. When I returned, he shot me a dirty look, ripped out the contents of the biscuit, and ate only the bread. FML
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Top comments
kyu_Q 19
I farted in my car before getting out of it today. came back a few hours later and the smell had mutated. I feel your pain OP
perdix 31
Hypothermia is a more pleasant death than ass-phyxiation by fart gases.
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Comments (69)
lowshadows 21
love the gas Meg, LOVE IT!
Chris93Jones 20
the farts will heat you up, crack that window!
MzZombicidal 36
#15, why in the world would you try to make an FML about farting into something about children without fathers? Yes, it's unfortunate for them but this really isn't the time for that...
bunny409 14
jeez..fyl...
Pinkfun69 4
Now that's what I call a Dutch oven.;-) now that funny right there!!!
worldclassrager 41
For some reason I think that was intentional...couldn't you put your window down a bit?
wildflawas 6
don't get worked up. hes only passing the nutrients to you. i bet you wont need anymore food today. fyl
kill_cam13 5
Dang... Bail
Jemm_fml 29
A father isn't a father unless he dutch ovens his children at some point in life.
Omniprism 15
Blast the heat and open the window.