Today, I have to spend the whole day in a moving truck with my dad. He had beans for dinner, and it's too cold to crack open a window. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, marks three days since I was supposed to follow the moving truck to my new home. Instead, I got super sick and my dad drove away without me. I've been laying on a dog cushion the entire weekend because my bed is 500 miles away. FML
Today, my dad stumbled home drunk at closing time and woke the whole house with a bang by attempting to heat a tin of baked beans in the microwave, without removing the beans from the tin first. FML
Today, I had to sit in a three-seat truck between my dad and his best friend on a 4-hour trip to Detroit. It was great, besides their incessant crude jokes and stories, including chafing ball sacks, and naming their new radio station, "Chicks With Dicks Radio." FML
Today, I helped my dad push our broken-down truck from the driveway onto the tire ramp. Truck didn't make it; neither did my leg. FML
Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML
Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML
Today, my mom made me go shopping with her. It was freezing out, but she didn't wear a coat, boasting that she doesn't feel the chill like I do. By the time we drove home she was whining about freezing to death, and now I'm stuck in a house whose heating is set to "inferno". FML
Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML
Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML
Today, despite him having a truck and plenty of food in the house, my lazy dad woke me up early and forced me to get him a cup of coffee and a biscuit from the convenience store. They only had sausage biscuits. When I returned, he shot me a dirty look, ripped out the contents of the biscuit, and ate only the bread. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
kyu_Q 19
I farted in my car before getting out of it today. came back a few hours later and the smell had mutated. I feel your pain OP
perdix 31
Hypothermia is a more pleasant death than ass-phyxiation by fart gases.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
magicman13 9
Insert fart puns here
EyeOfTheSt0rm 10
That sounds like a stinky situation
beaglegal 42
Beans, beans the musical fruit; the more you eat the more you toot.
greeneyebeauty9 28
Well, I don't feel to bright. I had always thought it was the magical fruit.
feelingold 18
well #21 will you feel even less bright after your to/too gets corrected?
wcc7777777 5
The more you toot the better you feel, thats why i eat beans at every meal!
greeneyebeauty9 28
ahh.. #43 I knew someone was going to say something. I apologize for my improper use of "to."
kyu_Q 19
I farted in my car before getting out of it today. came back a few hours later and the smell had mutated. I feel your pain OP
puggypark 14
Ahh man that must be gross OP
martin8337 36
#2, something must have died in your guts.
kyu_Q 19
beans. it was beans
MsConfusedd 27
Go chill in the back with a blanket
mkcontrollers 11
Ohh no. You get through the cold and crack a freaking window!
EyeOfTheSt0rm 10
Sucks to suck
ninjuh_wingman 29
Then stop sucking.
euphoricness 28
You know what else sucks? Vacuums
mallu86 9
And Paris Hilton.
MrSarary 26
Im sure you had the same brand fight or should I say fart back op
jococo7787 3
PUNCTUATION. You kinda need it.
MrSarary 26
I didn't really check the comment before I senf it. Sorry guys
conman531 23
I'd you opened the window for less than a minute it would be worth it
conman531 23
if*
olpally 33
Just open the damn window! Lol.
greeneyebeauty9 28
Agreed with 9. open the window, wait for it to air out, & then roll it back up. then repeat. it may get annoying but it's better than smelling ass all day.
annie_nk 23
Hopefully the truck doesn't have one of those window lock buttons.
Bcfrmkc816 17
Totally agree with ya #9. Never to cold to let the air clear for a couple of minutes.
fmylifeNOT 15
Beans, beans the magical food, the more you eat the more you toot. My brother used to sing that at the dinner table whenever we had beans!
ericcrash 13
I'm pretty sure it's fruit, not food.
AnthonyWheeler15 24
Oh god, hope you brought a gas mask OP