Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

Super spreader

Today, my teenage son caught COVID and has passed it on to me. He's completely unaffected, and joking that he wants to catch it again, to get another week off school. I'm lying in bed, with a pounding headache, shivering so violently I'm shaking. FML

Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

Kid A

Today, my adult son is visiting, sick on my couch with influenza A. He's spent all week screaming about how anti vaxxers are stupid, but admits that he didn't get a flu shot because, "they don't work." I got my flu shot and still got sick because I'm immunocompromised. He fails to see the irony. FML

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

Proof

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML