Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML
Today, I got a nosebleed. For 7 hours. I ended up in the ER. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I ended up in the hospital for the fourth time since beginning of January due to kidney stones. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML
Today, I had a nosebleed at work after having recent surgery. As I was walking to the bathroom, I tripped and fell, sending blood splattering everywhere. My manager, who was walking by, looked at me and said, “You’re really committed to the bit.” I was too embarrassed to respond. FML
Today, I have a UTI. After taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side-effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML
Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML
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Top comments
awagh666 14
Hope you are posting this from a hospital bed. Get well soon.
alliewillie 22
Might wanna get that checked out...
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Comments (183)
Salem145 0
Ok first off. 34 your an if you think girls pissing out blood is normal. You need to have a talk with a mother, (your 's) older sister, or an aunt There are two diffrent holes down there. And thats not counting your anus. As for the poor person peeing blood if you haven't been to an er yet go in and get checked.
_Vamp_ 9
That was the Nixon fanatic that heard you say "Nixon's presidency sucked" 7 years ago at Applebee's. He finally tracked you down through the smell of your cologne. He will be back. These guys don't play. Lol :)
Schmoozee98 0
nixon must have a fetish with kidneys
j_cat187 20
Kidney shot? That's ******* low
moviegirl6 5
You should definitely get to the hospital; that's how Houdini died.
IamKAB 13
That sucks, I'm sorry, but you should definitely get to the hospital. That sounds pretty serious! Hope that you feel better soon!
sierralovesyou 0
Poor guy, I hope you're at the hospital :( Get well soon hun
johncarterer93 0
Holy! I would go to a hospital like, right now!!
polishperson5253 5
Please, just shut up.
lncrow 2
Go to the doctor.