Today, since I was taking a dump in my wife's parents' house, I lit a candle so that it wouldn't stink. While still sitting down, I went to blow it out and apparently, no matter how strong of a man you are, you will still scream like a little girl if hot wax falls on your penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML
Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML
Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Today, I'm in hospital. During date night, after sex was over, I reached for my whiskey. I was already so drunk, I accidentally picked up the lit candle which was in a glass roughly the same size as my whiskey glass, and poured melted wax in my mouth, up my nose, and in my eyes. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, while moving my wax burner away from the window, I spilled hot wax all over my hands, the wall, and in my electric fireplace. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
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Top comments
kidwiththeface42 7
Hot wax: you're doing it wrong.
Midrash 5
Dude..stick to hand lotion. No need to reinvent the wheel
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Comments (125)
kidwiththeface42 7
Hot wax: you're doing it wrong.
enonymous 9
Hot wax on my penis makes me moan and scream
boating_guy 33
I guess OP isn't into that sorta stuff...
melchibr_fml 0
Not as bad as bad as getting penis in your wax.
iEthan 5
What if it hardened before he got it off 0__0
13FTW 9
19, then it might not be the only thing hard...
iEthan 5
How could your dick be hard if that hot shit is on it.. >__>
13FTW 9
Works for enonymous, why not try it yourself!
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Challenge Accepted
enonymous 9
28 To be fair I'm not sure he's old enough for that to happen yet.. I also put out my cigars on my penis and bench press with it. I'm up to a bic pen and 4 paper clips each side
nater535 7
32, how many **** push-ups can you do?
13FTW 9
Enonymous, what about a pack of trident layers?! If you've got them in your legit candy van you have to be able to **** press a trident layers pack. Nuff' said.
enonymous 9
1 1/2 Jack Black is ******* jealous
enonymous 9
**** pressing Trident layers requires I fight the urge to not put it in my mouth... And I'm not that flexible yet.. Working on it as I type
13FTW 9
Does your priest help you with the flexibility? Haha, im out of jokes about your info.. Dammit!
longlostgirl 4
That's hot
enonymous 9
44 he only helps me with choir practice he said I can hit the higher notes if he puts an ice cube up my ass... Last time it was more warm and soft
bubble25_fml 5
All this talk about ice cubes and hot wax is kinda turning me on...
exleonhart 0
27- isn't Ethan a boys name?
Andr913 13
Did anyone else immediately think of Haunted by Chuck Palahnuik?
angrymexican 8
I don't think a little girl would has a penis
TheAznEagle 0
That sucks?
gntfmlingnow 12
Sounds like a shitty situation. /overused joke
alpaquette91 9
So overused you have to label you comment with it, meaning you shouldn't be using it
enonymous 9
True Fact: you used (sunglasses) an over used shitty pun
gurly98 13
Cliche
HowAreYouToday 34
Yeeeaaaaaaaaaa
alpaquette91 9
I see what you dud there
thaCODgod 4
you're cool #3! loser
DerekBlaskie 6
Your obviously cool #102 since your the "cod god" and all.. Tell me.. How's it feel being best friends with thousands of 12 year olds and still having no one to hang out with you..
twilight_lupus 13
And you didn't pull your pants up before you blew the candle out because why again?
kirsty1551 3
wouldn't that get wax on his hand ?
kirsty1551 3
woops wrong comment o.0
DrDilllonReese 12
4- Then he wouldn't have been able to share this story with us! D:
sierralovesyou 0
68-very true, very true...
twilight_lupus 13
Ahh yes good point! XD
thisisafunnyname 12
His dick is so small he thought there was a really low probability of wax falling on it.
Midrash 5
Dude..stick to hand lotion. No need to reinvent the wheel
DrDilllonReese 12
And live on the edge you do. You are truly an example to follow, sticking to your word.
alpaquette91 9
Ouch dude!
robertlovespi 3
"Don't call me dude! A dude is somebody who works on a ranch!" - an angry officer.
CyonideCyns 0
Not so funny meow is it?
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
This is why you light a match. A MATCH!
Randy84 10
Or possibly invest in a can of air freshener
yankfan89 27
Then he would burn his junk with the match
RedPillSucks 33
A match and a can of flammable air freshener would be the best way to go.
Harlson13 0
Getting rid of the stench and shaving yourself at the same time, nice work.
iEthan 5
OUCH!!! >__
Fruit_Dealer 9
Is what you're going to say in a few years when you look back on your FML profile.
phiyama 0
No, that's what he says now
exleonhart 0
11- it probably wouldn't shock anyone that I hate you so much.
12vballchick12 5
Ganster Bieber? Wtf?????!
IStillReadBooks 8
Does it really matter what he looks like? (The answer is no, if you couldn't figure it out)
areveillon_fml 3
Chouch dude
abeye111 8
lit a candle? there wasnt febreeze?