Today, I have been pissing blood for 2 hours, ever since some douche in a Nixon mask ran up and slugged me in the kidney. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML
Today, I got a nosebleed. For 7 hours. I ended up in the ER. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, at the ripe age of 20, I spent the early hours of my morning violently vomiting blood every time I got too warm. I then had the pleasure of shitting in a plastic container for a stool sample, due to said problem, after one and half hours of sleep. FML
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
Today, I ended up in the hospital for the fourth time since beginning of January due to kidney stones. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML
Today, I had a nosebleed at work after having recent surgery. As I was walking to the bathroom, I tripped and fell, sending blood splattering everywhere. My manager, who was walking by, looked at me and said, “You’re really committed to the bit.” I was too embarrassed to respond. FML
Today, I have a UTI. After taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side-effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML
Today, I strained so hard while on the toilet that I gave myself a nosebleed. FML
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Top comments
awagh666 14
Hope you are posting this from a hospital bed. Get well soon.
alliewillie 22
Might wanna get that checked out...
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Comments (183)
budweiserphil 0
That's when Mr.Glock 27 would hit him back. Two in the chest one in the chin makes anyone your friend
ScuseMePrincess 2
OP is from Illinois, a Nazi anti-gun state. I agree with you, though.
gene818 13
You should be at the hospital!
linko_fml 0
That was no mask
speshlk37 13
When the president does it, it's not illegal...
Wheredidgrungego 12
No wonder he resigned.
icic6772 0
Point break anyone?
speshlk37 13
I am an F B I agent!
Enslaved 38
I remember Reagan was played by Patrick Swayze. May he RIP.
Mischief109 11
I absolutely love this movie!
Munchkin13 6
I hope you went to go get this checked out already
kickbs 4
bahahaha!
gurly98 13
If ur a girl then it would be normal
ihavenosoul 4
I am a girl and I've never pissed blood.
chellexx 0
How the hell would it be normal to piss put blood if they were a girl?!?! That is one of the stupidest comments I have ever seen on FML and that says a lot About how stupid you are
flockz 20
*most stupid and no, that just shows you haven't been here long.
lovefml987 1
Hmm, well I see that you are really ******* dumb
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Actually it only says a lot about how 13 years old she is.
TeenieAmerica 9
Uh, no, 'stupidest' is a word. I just looked in the dictionary and it said "-er, -est," next to the word stupid. I guess it's kind of informal, though. If you were writing a paper, you'd probably want to use 'most stupid', but in an FML comment, it's fine. And I'm not even going to comment on the thing about girls pissing blood...
lalalaski 3
obviously you aren't aware of what hole periods come out of.
Pendragon525 0
It's not normal for ANYONE, male or female, to have blood in their urine. It's a red flag that something is wrong. I'm disabled & have a loooong history of kidney stones & other UT issues, so I'm speaking from experience here.
InvaderAmi 4
Girls just suddenly goin' and pissing out blood isn't very normal...
iloveyou1266 4
Even on your period , you shouldn't pee blood ...
SnailJamsss 6
I'm sorry. What?
mandibreann1212 6
Uhm.... awkies. Girls don't pee blood, dear. :/
okiidokii_fml 6
Yah ^ I bet you feel stupid know. Wow.
tdudey123 14
*now
writergirl23 19
That person might be under the illusion girls get their period from their urethra? Yes, stupid, but it would explain the comment ... Sort of.
rolls_royce 0
Sounds like you fractured a kidney, happened to me before. Go to a doctor now... Well never mind if you are still at home your gonna be dead soon anyways
Pendragon525 0
How can you fracture a kidney? You can lacerate one, and you can bruise one...but to the best of my knowledge, fractures occur in bone or enamel, not organs.